Calder's Birth Story

Calder Broderick Parr

Born at home on April 30, 2019 at 10:32 PM

9 pounds 23.5 inches

Calder means rough waters or stream. We chose this name because want him to feel connected to this water-rich place we love so much. Broderick is Nate's maternal grandmother's maiden name. All of our kids have a family middle name, in hopes that it will connect them to their familial roots.

Summary
Calder was my second planned home birth and it was super fast! Everything went well and we are so glad he is here!

Pregnancy
I wrote a bit already about preparing for this birth already, so I won't say as much about my pregnancy. The first trimester, as usual for me, was a blur of nausea and exhaustion. I would come downstairs in the morning, throw some food at the kids and lay down again in the living room. Our sweet kiddos, especially Riah, would come and tuck a blanket around me and give me a kiss. :) Lots of things got forgotten as dishes, chores and laundry piled up. Thankfully, it did not last forever and the glorious 2nd trimester began. I was productive and excited. I started a new project to connect new moms and made all kinds of career plans. ;) We found our rhythm in homeschool and in general around the house. I was feeling ready to bring a new baby to our family. As the third trimester came, my aches and pains accumulated and I got serious about remedying those, determined to enjoy this final pregnancy and birth. I wrote more about that here.

Towards the end of my pregnancy, of course, I wanted him here but I was also really enjoying being pregnant. Knowing it was probably my last chance, I was trying to enjoy feeling his movements, appreciate the way my body could hold him and support me as well. Being a part of creation is a beautiful, sacred blessing and I'm grateful I could find moments of joy at the end of pregnancy. Since the beginning, rather than tell everyone my due date (April 23) and gets lots of calls and texts saying, "is the baby here, is the baby here??" around that date, I was intentionally vague and said I was due "sometime in early May." Because I said it so often, this ended up helping me a lot mentally--I was convinced of it myself!

Thoughts on midwifery care
My love for midwives is not something I'm quiet about so this will come as no surprise but I love being cared for by a midwife! I feel lucky to have landed in another place with access to great midwifery care. I met Tavniah Betts, CPM soon after moving here and we had some great conversations about helping low-income and women of color better access to midwifery care. I knew her and her background already so it was easy to choose her for my prenatal care when I got pregnant.

Our appointments are close to an hour each time because we chat about the pregnancy, preparing for birth, my family and everything in between. I never feel hurried and I always feel cared for. Tavniah has a home office so we did most of our visits there. I was hoping for all home visits because I liked those so much last time. But I was able to leave the kids with Nate for most of my appointments so it was really nice to have time to think and talk to Tavniah (without interruptions) about this baby. In addition, it's fantastic to be able to text or call her anytime with concerns or questions. When I got a stomach virus late in the 3rd trimester, she came late at night to help me and listen to the baby. Everyone should have access to this kind of care. In Canada and other countries, women with low-risk pregnancies are almost always cared for by midwives and are able to choose between hospital or home birth. Coordinated care is the gold standard and women in the U.S. deserve it.

Birth prep
In the final weeks of pregnancy, I purchased all my birth supplies, threw together a few more frozen meals and waited patiently for baby. I finished up the birth space. Around 38 weeks I began feeling practice contractions more and more often. This excited me knowing that my body was getting ready. A few days after my due date, I thought I was really in labor. My contractions started in the afternoon and were getting stronger and stronger throughout the night. I woke a few times to work through them. I alerted the birth team around 4am that today might be the day. I was really awake at this point. I got up, watched some birth videos hoping they would increase my oxytocin levels (ha) but all the surges fizzled out!

I wasn't as patient with pregnancy after that disappointment. The 42 week deadline for a planned home birth seemed closer and closer.

Nate's paternity leave started and we kept busy with projects around the house and yard. The weather warmed a bit and we visited the break wall in Two Harbors and made plans to swim there in the summer.

The birth
On Tuesday April 30, the day started normally. I was exactly 41 weeks pregnant and Tavniah came over to do a membrane sweep. I had a horrible experience with that when I was pregnant with Bridger and have since discouraged moms from doing them. But it turns out the evidence for it is pretty good if you are considered past your due date. She was much more gentle than the hospital midwife that did one for me several years ago. I was 2 cm dilated, 50% effaced, very soft and baby was very low and in a great position. She listened to baby again and left. We went about our day. We cleaned out the basement as a family. I sent everyone a photo of me balancing my lunch on my belly. Around lunch what was feeling like crampiness started to feel like real surges. They increased gradually throughout the afternoon. By dinnertime, I was stopping to breathe through them. I figured they would fizzle out when I laid down so I tried not to make a big deal out of it. I didn't want to be disappointed again! We got the kids ready for bed and I read On the Banks of Plum Creek to the boys. I stopped a few times to breathe through a surge. Bridger and Colden would jump out of bed and rub my back without being asked. They were great little dude-las!

Didn't think I was in labor, ha.

All the kids were asleep by 9. I went into our room to find Nate and Riah asleep in our bed. I nudged Nate a few times to move Riah. I was really working through surges now. I was getting on the floor and going into laborland each time. I had bled through a couple pantiliners and that concerned me. I called Tavniah and sent her a picture of the blood. I had to pause while talking with her but I still thought that maybe I wasn't in labor, haha! I told her not to come yet. Riah's birth was so long, I didn't want to make everyone wait around forever. But after a surge or two,  I couldn't even think about going to bed now. Nate got up and moved Riah and I told him this was probably it. I was shivering and cold. I changed out of tight yoga pants and put on pajama pants and a nightie and a sweater. Nate put the electric blanket on me and called Tavniah again. The blood and the shivering meant I was dilating fast. She moved quick and got here by 10pm. I was back and forth between the bedroom and the bathroom as my body was cleaning itself out. Yay. I knew Nate was struggling with the grossness of that and the rapidity of the labor but he was the only one there for a time and I needed him. He was a champ and stayed close by. He knew just what to do, massaging my lower back and encouraging me. "You're doing great. You've done this before. You've got this."

When Tavniah arrived, she laughed as she saw us trying to quickly put the plastic on the bed. I kept having to stop for surges and was somehow in the tiniest corner of the room each time. Finally, Nate suggested I move so they could help me with the next one. I went to the bathroom again and Tavniah followed. She helped me through a few. They were coming really fast now. I couldn't tell the difference between them anymore. I wasn't sure when one ended and another one started. Sitting on the toilet, clenching her arm, I told her, "there's pressure down there!" She smiled and said, "there's a baby down there too!" Then another surge came. After that Tavniah suggested I get off the toilet so she could help me better since baby was coming! I had already taken off my sweater and kicked my pants off. After another surge, I took off my nightie too and got on my hands and knees. They quickly laid towels out.

We had been calling our doula around 9:30 and got no answer. I had forgotten that she was sick and I should call her backup. Well she got our messages and the backup, Cooper, came about 15 minutes after Tavniah did. I had already met Cooper and I was happy to see her when she found us in the bathroom.

The surges were so intense and so fast. I was really struggling not to fight against them. I kept gasping that they were coming too fast but Tavniah assured me fast was okay. I tried to relax my shoulders and groan deeply. Nate kept asking if I wanted to move to the bedroom, "just move real quick, won't take long." Absolutely not. I was NOT moving. It was hard enough to get off the toilet and onto the floor. When he realized I wasn't going anywhere, he ran downstairs and came back, with lightning speed, with cushions for my knees. Cooper put a cool wet cloth against the tub ledge where I was resting my forehead. I was burping a bunch and Nate pushed aside the shower curtain in case I barfed. Thankfully, I did not. I had had enough of that when I had the stomach bug a couple weeks prior.

Anyway, I started getting pushy and tried to let my body do what it needed to. But it's hard when it's so fast! I couldn't wrap my head around it. I didn't want to push because I didn't want to push for like an hour like last time. But one thing I feel really good about was that I was more focused on the baby this time. When I was pushing Riah out, my midwife tried to get me to touch her head but I couldn't do it. I couldn't imagine a baby coming out! But this time, I was singing to the baby and thinking about him coming down. Reminding myself all this work was for a BABY! My pushes started getting really intense and I was worried at times I would wake the other kids with my roaring but they slept through the whole thing! Pushing is such hard work. I had to really concentrate and let my body do the work and push other thoughts out. I was very prepared to labor...not so much to push! I think I told Nate three times, "I CAN do this. But I'm NOT doing it again! Nate, I'm really not doing this again!" Meaning, I didn't want to give birth again. "Okay, okay that's fine with me!" :)

He was coming down so fast that I could literally feel my pelvic bones opening up. I didn't feel the ring of fire around my perineum, I really felt the pressure internally. This probably had a lot to do with the fact that Tavniah was supporting my bottom with a warm wet cloth the whole time. I gave a mighty push and reached down to feel what felt like his entire head all the way out! (It wasn't, but close.) "Another big push and I'm going to hand him to you between your legs." And that's what happened! I gave one more mighty push and he was here in my arms! So slippery, grayish blue and pink all at the same time. After just a moment he was crying and making himself known! He even tried to latch for a second or two. I leaned back on my heels and delivered the placenta. That came quickly too! Everyone helped me clean up a bit and then went to the bedroom to lay down with our little guy! I pushed for 12 minutes. He was in the perfect position, so I feel really good about all the preparation I did to accomplish that!

It turns out that births that happen quickly usually end up being pretty uncomplicated and I felt lucky that was the case. I had had another successful homebirth before but there is always the fear that we will need to go to the hospital. Glad we got to stay home and enjoy that peace.

During my last labor, I really wanted to give birth on my hands and knees but had to lay on my side instead, because of Riah's position. So it was super nice to do what came naturally this time. My shoulders were hurting a bit the next couple days though! Worth it.

While I rested, Tavniah did all the baby measurements and Nate cut the cord. We all guessed his weight and length to be around 7 or 8 pounds and 21 inches and we were all wrong! He was 9 pounds and 23.5 inches. He was definitely our longest baby (should have guessed that with all the crazy/ouchy kicks he had been giving me in utero!) but Riah beat him by 5 ounces in weight. Sometime after midnight Cooper left after helping me shower and get back in bed. Tavniah left with her giant suitcase of supplies awhile later with plans to come back for a 24 hour visit the following day. I didn't sleep much because of all of the adrenaline but I was sure happy to be finished with pregnancy and to have little Calder breathing steadily next to me.

It's funny even when you are a birth nerd like me and know that birth never goes to plan, we still make all kinds of plans. I guess it gives us something to pass the time while we wait for baby. I had so many plans and lists! All these things to do during early labor.  I had planned to be in our bedroom for sure! I made this whole wall of art and affirmations to help me. But since I had put it up so early on in my pregnancy, I looked at it often and those images and words became a part of me. I didn't need to see them in labor, there were already written on my heart. And while I didn't have any of my family there in-person this time, all of my siblings and my parents were still surrounding me!

While I was pregnant, I tried to visualize how I wanted this birth to go. I envisioned a nighttime birth with the kids all asleep. I envisioned him coming slowly and me breathing him down. So I got half of that wish...not too shabby!

Best laid plans and all that...

He was named Anders for the first day but that didn't fit. So we tried Calder on and that did! The kids woke up the following morning and sleepily and very happily met the new baby. They were so sweet and so excited.

Postpartum
So many friends and family have already helped us and we are so grateful. Funny story: our friend Laura came over to help with the kids in case they woke up during labor. The kids didn't wake (best case scenario!) so she was super sweet and cleaned up our kitchen and dining room. We found out later that she had swept that whole area with the tiny kid broom because she couldn't find the normal broom. That was real dedication! I laughed so hard thinking of her leaned over that tiny broom! (the normal broom was in the basement from our clean up earlier in the day). So blessed to have good friends here. My friend Kari also had all the kids over the following day and brought us dinner. So many others have brought over groceries, made us dinner and more. My sister Mandi came for a weekend and did so much for us! We were sad to see her go. Because we've had so much help, I was able to stay in bed and rest for longer. My recovery has been amazing.

The following week, the boys stayed with Grandma for 5 days. It was super nice to have a quieter house and concentrate on the baby as well as Riah. She had a great time with more attention from us. We have really felt so supported and we are so grateful!

What a change it is to bring a new child into the world. I am so grateful we were able to bring him to our family. What a gift!

I wish we could have taken more photos, but I was naked the entire time so it's unlikely I would have shared them anyway, ha! But it sure makes me appreciate my dear friend Cate and the gorgeous photos she took at Riah's birth.

Riah's birth story.
Colden's birth story.
Bridger's birth story.

My writing at Lactation Link

After working at WIC as a breastfeeding peer counselor for a year, in 2016, soon after Riah was born, I started working with Lactation Link as a lactation educator and the blog manager. I LOVED working with such a passionate and knowledgable group of women! It was such a great experience for me. A few months after moving to Minnesota, I left LLink to spend more time with the kids and concentrate on homeschooling. I miss those ladies and helping moms breastfeed!

For funsies, I've compiled the blog posts I wrote for LLink below.

Unconventional & Super Helpful Baby Gifts
I would add a removable showerhead now! So much easier to rinse squirmy babies and toddlers!

3 of the Best Things You Can Do During Pregnancy

3 Tips for Labor and Delivery to Make Breastfeeding Easier

How to Breastfeed in Public

Finding the Right Nursing Pad for You

Should I Wake the Baby to Breastfeed? 

5 Ways Grandmas Can Support Breastfeeding

My Medicaid Story

When Nate and I got married in 2010, I was removed from my parents insurance. I signed up for the cheapest plan from the university (it did not cover maternity care), planning to start our family sometime after graduation. However, I become pregnant about a year later, several months before my planned graduation. I called BCBS of Florida to return to my parents insurance. This was a no-go due to me now having a “pre-existing condition,” in this case, being a sexually active woman who become pregnant. This was pre-Affordable Care Act (or Obamacare), which removed the ability of insurance plans to prevent someone from receiving insurance w/ a pre-existing condition. The school’s insurance plan for pregnant students was extremely cost-prohibitive. I can't remember the exact cost but the premium was hundreds of dollars a month. Absolutely impossible for a full time student who was also working part time. So like almost half of all pregnant women in the US, I applied for Medicaid. I spent hours filling out all the forms, obtaining all the necessary documents. We qualified, to my great relief. After 2+ months of pregnancy, I was able to get prenatal care. Despite our “plan” Nate and I did not have full time employment after graduation, so Medicaid was a godsend for us since I had Bridger just a few months after we graduated.

The current Republican leaders in Congress are now voting on new healthcare laws which would decrease funding for Medicaid and skyrocket healthcare costs. I promise you they are not thinking about the college students who are choosing life. They are not thinking about newborns who need quality healthcare. They are thinking of their friends in the pharmaceutical and insurance industries. They are thinking of their next elections, political gains and what praises their friends at Fox will give them.

Because of Medicaid, I was able to get high quality prenatal care. Because of Medicaid, I was able to give birth at a wonderful hospital with a caring staff. Because of Medicaid, Bridger had healthcare coverage for his entire first year.

When you think of a Medicaid patient, I hope you toss aside the uninformed stereotypes of people of color, unwilling to work who are greedy for handouts. Instead, I hope you think of a hard working college student ready and willing to bring life to earth. I hope you think of a system of healthcare that (perhaps imperfectly) facilitates the health and well-being of millions of children. I hope you think of me, I hope you think of Bridger.

“Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” (Matt. 25:40).

A few months after Bridger was born, Nate started full time work. We happily now pay into a system knowing that other families like us are getting the care they need. And we will happily pay more to see even more families receive better healthcare. To us, that's just part of being human. We take care of each other.

If you disagree with Medicaid cuts and rising healthcare costs, please call your Senators and House Representative.

Sacred work of birth

"If a woman doesn't look like a goddess during labor, then someone isn't treating her right." 

-Ina May Gaskin.

I have often come across this quote and as much as I love Ina May, I have rolled my eyes. Yall, birth is HARD. It is WORK. You get sweaty. There are lots of smells. It hurts. My hair is crazy-looking, make-up is smeared. I'm wearing adult diapers for crying out loud! But I as was skimming through my birth photos, looking for something else for a project, this photo jumped out. It caught my breath!

In this moment, I am a goddess.
In a circle around me are women who know birth deeply.
I am being supported. Loved. Watched over.
My eyes closed, I am turning inward for strength. I find it in my breath, in my spirit, in the women before me and around me.
My hands are open, showing that I am open to receiving inspiration.
My brow is high, demonstrating the strength I am feeling.
My neck is tight, showing the intensity of the contraction.
Birth is work, sacred work. The work for a goddess.

This quiet moment means so many things to me. For one, it demonstrates why I love midwifery so much. Women, mothers, reign over the veil that enters into this life. I think midwives know this intuitively and allow the mother to reign there without unnecessary intervention. Of course, there is a need for physicians in many births, but midwives are the experts in normal birth. This connection of women between life here and life before has drawn me to birth so much lately. The possibility of midwifery school is years, perhaps decades, away. But I hope through what I say and write about birth now helps other women see it for the absolute miracle and symbol of Godliness it is.

Please know that you don't have to look like a goddess in *every* moment of birth. There are many moments I did not look like a goddess, believe me. I only post this to try and show a bit of my journey in learning more about the sacred work of birth.

This is also a good opportunity for a plug for birth photography. I am still learning new things about Riah's birth a year later because I have these photos. I am forever grateful my talented friend Cate gave us this amazing gift. They are an absolute treasure to me.

Riah's full birth story.

Getting it right: Birth & breastfeeding in Jane the Virgin

Happy World Breastfeeding Week!

I've been bingeing on Netflix's Jane the Virgin lately. Have you seen it? My roommates and I watched lots of cheesy telenovelas in college so watching this is just like old times. It's full of drama and humor. And I love the main character! Here's the rundown: basically, Jane gets accidentally artificially inseminated by some guy's sperm when she was supposed to be only getting a pap smear! (reason #57 to skip the pap!) This guy turns out to be her new boss which she kissed 5 years ago, then she meets her dad for the first time, she falls in love with her baby daddy, breaks her fiance's heart...oh and there is a drug lord taking over the hotel she works at and yep...it's a true telenovela.

Aaaaanyway...my point in writing this is that she is pregnant and has her baby in the first season and is raising a newborn in the second. The series perpetuates a few myths about birth and breastfeeding that I want to address!

1. Doulas. This subject is actually done okay. She learns about doulas from a "natural mom" at Target. Her family makes fun of the idea. But she considers how nice it would be to have someone there just for her, to guide her through the birth process. She doesn't end up hiring one.

2. Babywearing. I was just bothered by the "natural mom's" wrapping job. This mom gives Jane some advice (in a snotty tone that I didn't appreciate) about natural/modern parenting. And really? They couldn't have someone come on the show and teach this lady how to actually wrap? The baby is falling out of her wrap. Sigh.

3. Lactation class. Jane wants to go to a lactation class and her mom and Rafael laugh about it and "why would you need a class for that?" Uh. I had this same attitude! Sad. Anyway, she goes to the class with her mom and the teacher gives some good advice untilllll she tells her to lean over the baby so it doesn't choke on her milk. Um, what? That makes no sense. The opposite is actually true. Leaning over your baby is just going to give you a backache. Leaning back, however, allows baby to latch easier and slows down your milk so your baby doesn't choke/struggle with a heavy flow of milk.

Lactation class round 2. Shortly after Mateo is born, she is having some struggles breastfeeding and they go back to the lactation class. She tells the lactation specialist that she is struggling and in a room full of other moms, the lactation specialist asks to see her nipple. In real life, the lactation specialist would have given her privacy and one-on-one attention for her specific issue. However, after this visit, she says the latch is improved. So, props for lactation professionals!

4. Birth. I thought this was actually done pretty well. Jane's birth experience really resonated with me and my experience giving birth to Riah. Lots of "I can't do it" with deep breathing. Thank goodness the "hee-hoo-hee-hoo" breathing of the past is gone! Of course, it's made super dramatic as her labor starts suddenly on the bus while in traffic, yada yada.

4. Asking for help. Loved how Jane accepts help from her mom and her mom dives in.

4. Scheduled feeds. Jane is an organized person and they make a big deal out of Mateo eating every 3 hours. Scheduled feeds are actually connected with slower weight gain and early weaning. Letting baby set his own pattern and feeding on his cues is the recommendation for successful breastfeeding. That is, as long as baby is eating 8-12 or more times in a 24-hour.

5. Cluster feeding. Newborn Mateo is feeding every half an hour and all the women in the house are perplexed. Jane is frustrated and doubting herself. Rafael enters the room and proclaims that Mateo is probably cluster feeding to encourage her milk to come in. "I read it in the book," he says. Go dad! Happy to see a dad supportive in word and deed of breastfeeding. The next scene is great when her mature milk comes in and leaks through her shirt. She dances back to her baby. Cute moment.

6. Pumping and dumping while drinking. Jane goes out to a club with her friend Lina for Lina's 25th birthday and she brings along her pump. Love that they normalize pumping and the need to express milk when away from baby. There was cute moment between Jane and Lina sitting on the bathroom floor while Jane was pumping. However, she proclaims that she will be "pumping and dumping" so she can drink with her friend. This actually isn't always necessary. Since alcohol (and anything else the mother ingests) goes through our digestive system BEFORE affecting our milk, she would not have needed to dump the milk she pumped at the club. Depending on how much she drank, she would only need to avoid nursing for a few hours after her last drink. The usual recommendation is that if you are sober enough to drive, you are sober enough to drink. Kellymom has more about this.

7. "He's weaned off of me!" Jane goes to an overnight writer's retreat and Rafael keeps the baby. She forgets the pump cord and Rafael comes by to drop it off. Since Mateo is hungry when they get there, she decides to feed him instead of pump. But Mateo will not latch after almost an hour of trying. In frustration, they give him a bottle and he drinks hungrily. She is noticeably upset that he couldn't latch after only being away from her for several hours. Instead of working on getting baby back to breast with a lactation professional, she pumps exclusively for several months. By pumping every 3 hours (night and day) Jane becomes a slave to the pump and it literally runs her into the ground. Exclusive pumping moms are awesome. But I wish the show would have taken the opportunity to show the benefit of lactation support. Which would have made total sense because Jane had already benefited from lactation support before. After several months of pumping, she and Rafael decide it's okay for her to stop pumping. She is very relieved. I wish they could have ended this subject on a better note but it was nice to see a mom and dad making such a tough decision together.

What do you like or dislike about Jane the Virgin? I could do without some of the characters (Louisa!) and naughty stuff!

Riah's Birth Story

All photos by Cate Johnson.

Riah Dianne Parr was born on Saturday May 14, 2016. She weighed 9 pounds and 5 ounces and was 22 inches long. She was born at home surrounded by loving support. We are so in love with her! Her name is derived from my middle name, Moriah. Her middle name is after my mother, Karen Dianne. Just days before her birth I was DONE and telling everyone that birth was a fairytale and that I would be pregnant forever. Now she is sleeping on my chest as I type this. I'm excited to share her birth story...

Pregnancy
I usually gloss over this section when reading birth stories so I'll try to keep it short. Since learning more about birth over the last few years and having had healthy pregnancies, we decided together that a homebirth would be a great option for us. Nate and I went to a Meet the Midwives event to interview homebirth midwives. I researched a handful before going and looked up reviews. At the meeting, I was instantly drawn to Karla Bennett, CNM. She seemed like a sweet motherly figure with great credentials and experience. She is unique in that she is a certified nurse midwife but only attends homebirths. Most CNMs attend hospital births. I was excited to start care with her!

Since I was making a lot of demands for this birth (homebirth, doula, photographer), I conceded on one thing that Nate really wanted: to have the gender be a surprise. We found out Riah was a girl ourselves when she was on my chest!

Quick note about prenatal care with a homebirth midwife: I can't say enough just how awesome it is to have direct access to my care provider. I call and get her, not a receptionist or a nurse or hold music. I text her anytime and get a quick response. She came over on a holiday weekend to check on the baby simply because I was worried. Of course homebirth or birth centers aren't for everyone, but I have thoroughly enjoyed this particular aspect. My prenatal check ups were in my home. She engaged with the boys each time and made them feel important and helpful. It was so nice to avoid dragging them to an office for my checkups.

One of the most frequent questions I got was if I was going to give birth in the water. I think water birth is awesome and I wish more women had that option. But it did not appeal to me really! Probably because my labors are pretty short and my pushing stages are pretty short. And I hesitate to say this because I don't want to offend anyone who has had a waterbirth (really, I think you're awesome!) but it just kind of grosses me out. I've seen too many birth photos of moms sitting in bloody water. And I really like physical contact during birth and that can be harder to do when you're separated by a tub. But now I'm thinking waterbirth might be a good idea for me next time since pushing was so hard this time!

An obstetrician might describe my pregnancy as "uneventful." I am blessed to have normal, healthy pregnancies. First trimester was marked by morning sickness and fatigue. Second trimester was glorious! Lots of energy. Third trimester I was big, tired and grumpy. The end is just so hard. I'd give birth 10 more times but I think I can only mentally handle one more pregnancy. The only real complication was another kidney stone. This time I was 36 weeks. Super lame. I spent a night at labor & delivery for fluids and meds. (Loved getting that bill.) Once it passed, I was super grateful to be past it and tried to enjoy the last few weeks of pregnancy. I took the boys to the park and the Tulip Festival. Holly and Amy took me out for a pedicure. I snuggled the boys close and tried to hang on to Colden's babyhood for a few more days.

Cate literally sent me over 400 photos! She is amazing. I'm terrible at editing out photos so get ready for 400 photos! ;)

Best of the birth world this week!

I loved this poster created by Salem Birth Support. Again, families need support after birth!! I've been so lucky to receive loving support after each baby!

A giant study was published this week about the safety of home birth. It was thorough and the commentary was fair and without judgement. Commentators on both sides of the issue applauded it. Forbes did a great write-up as well as Science and Sensibility.

With my own upcoming birth, I've been getting really into emergency preparedness lately! Especially preparing for childbirth in an emergency situation; whether that by during/after an earthquake or simply a precipitous unassisted birth. I printed out this free emergency childbirth guide and have started collecting items. I think I'll keep the kit in the car for now!

How the system fails breastfeeding families. On a birth/breastfeeding page this week, a community member explained that her family doctor prescribed her cold and asthma medications incompatible with breastfeeding (her child was under 1) and when she pointed this out to her doctor, she (the doctor) shrugged and told her she would need to stop. Um, what?! First of all, you don't "just stop breastfeeding." It's not that easy for mother or for baby. And if this doctor really wanted to promote the health of her patients and society at large, she would have taken a couple of extra steps to find her an alternative that was compatible with breastfeeding. One commenter stated that she takes Thomas Hale's book with her to all doctor appointments now. Smart! But too bad mothers are the ones that have to educate their care providers on evidence-based information. Not all doctors of course. But I see and hear this kind story too often. If we want a more healthy population, we have to start at the beginning and actually support families in their breastfeeding goals. But for now...be your own advocate! And know your stuff! 

I found two great articles this week about informed consent in childbirth: No Thank You and 10 Responses to Pressure to Consent.

And lastly, I am really loving this Dr. Seuss inspired meme about breastfeeding anywhere!

Best of the birth world this week!

Yall! I have so many ideas and not enough time! But I feel the need to simplify a little. Maybe a few days away will do the trick. Or throwing away my phone. Or both. While I work through these thoughts, enjoy some birth and breastfeeding links...

A dad's opinion on their experience with a doula. I love this:
"Do you know the quickest way to remove a hospital gown from a woman in the middle of an intense contraction? Can you coach her through the hardcore transition phase and hours of exhausting pushing? Do you have any clue what occiput posterior position is and how problematic it can be for the mother? When blood comes — and there will be blood — will you have any idea how much is normal scary and how much is legit terrifying? No. Because you’re not a doula."

Cervical dilation is unpredictable. So take a step back, cool down from all the vaginal checks and let the woman's body do her thing. There is no need (in a normal, healthy) labor to check the clock in relation to mom's cervical dilation.

Maybe I should change this blog post to "best of women's issues"...but this video is important. I'm sick of people thinking everything can be fixed with a pill and the latest FDA approval of "women's viagra" is troubling. It's a pyschoactive drug taken daily over a long period of time and we have no idea what it's effects will be!! Please don't be a guinea pig for this crap.

How dads can help with breastfeeding. Nate was such a great cheerleader for me!

Have a great weekend!!
Summer nursing painting via J Kirk Richards.

Best of the birth world this week!

I found myself saving so many articles this week! Here are some of my favorites...

I read about this group model of prenatal care a year or so ago. Glad to hear that it is still going well.

For the love of women. Beautiful.

It's so mind-boggling that continuous monitoring is still used for low-risk moms. Even being informed as I was during Colden's birth, it's hard to say no to pushy nurses. "For most women, when the doctor attaches an electronic monitor to your belly, the chances of complications go up, not down."

Like everyone who watched the undercover Planned Parenthood videos, I was shocked and horrified. The PP's executives spoke about fetuses in such a crude manner you couldn't help but cringe. Abortion sickens me but I am trying to come to place where I can view mothers in love and understanding as they go through what is probably the hardest decision they will ever make. I still don't know enough about whether or not PP really is making a profit off of aborted fetuses. I doubt that's the case and I don't think they should be defunded because they give numerous other benefits (birth control, cancer screenings etc) to low-income women and they're everywhere! However, I did really like this article, What About the Mothers.  Whether or not Planned Parenthood is defunded, I would like to see a rise in the amount of women-centered health care providers that support women throughout their childbearing years. Whatever you think about this issue, you ought to read about how aborted fetuses have helped you. And while we are on the subject, listen to this Radiolab podcast about one family's journey learning about how their son's short life is affecting others.

Are we more casual about the effects of labor induction than we are about our pregnancy eating and hair-dying habits?

Before you take any herbs or buy brewers yeast for low milk supply, do all these things.

And I love this cute and awesome project to help new moms.

Hope you had a lovely week! ♥

Best of the birth world this week!

Some of you may have heard that I participated in nurse-in at Hobby Lobby in Orem, Utah recently to encourage their staff to have a more proactive policy that supports breastfeeding mothers. Here is the Daily Herald article. And here is what Target has been doing lately in regards to the same issue.

Amazing shot of mom and dad catching baby.

I loved this. "Read your baby, not the books."

The day a friend corrected me. Makes me want to turn Bridger back around to rear-facing.

Women are the stewards over birth. This article highlights some of my favorite parts of The Gift of Giving Life.

I love Every Mother Counts 10 times more since they announced their new series on childbirth in America.

I usually don't like Baby Center, but these photos of how your baby fits in your womb are pretty rad!

Such a beautiful story and what a sweet dad doing skin to skin with babies in the OR!

P.S. Colden and I are using the Ergobaby Ventus in the photo above. We love it!! Sold my Original and Performance to get it...super worth it!

Best of the birth world this week!

Well a whole week went by and no new posts! This re-emphasis on my blog is going really well ;) I do have a couple in the works so hang in with me! As usual there is lots of birthy and motherly goodness around the inter-webs this week...

I've had The Gift of Giving Life on my shelf for a few months and I am finally diving into it. I am so happy I am because it is full of wisdom and is confirming my testimony of my eternal role as a mother. I love the theme it emphasizes: approaching conception, pregnancy and childbirth with faith, not fear.  (P.S. It is sold at Deseret Book and on Amazon.)

It's a long one, but an important one! "This experience taught our family so much. If we could offer any advice to mothers- or fathers-to-be – or anyone in need of medical care – we remind all to be vigilant, to ask questions, and to ask them again. Talk to your doctor and EVERY doctor you see. Do everything that is necessary to take care of yourself and your child."  Yes, doctors make mistakes too. So keep asking questions!


The Dutch are simply amazing. So much goodness in this snippet of parenting in Amsterdam. Makes me proud of my heritage. Also makes me want to move there! I especially love that each women gets a kraamzorg (translates to maternity care) for 3 hours for 8 days following the birth. Sounds a lot like what a postpartum doula would do here. Of course their's is probably funded by the state...

I found Indiana Adams randomly the other day and I fell over laughing reading her birth stories. She is a great storyteller. Take a peek at birth story one, birth story two and birth story three. You will not be disappointed!

I am confused why it took so long for NPR to report that the UK is recommending low-risk women to deliver outside of hospitals, but they finally reported on it this week and made a good point: in order for outside of hospital births to be the safer and more pleasant in the U.S., we need better midwife-doctor relations.

This smart re-design of the booster seat is genius. Can't wait til production next year. I want to see more of it!

Beautiful painting of mother and child nursing by J Kirk Richards.

Best of the birth world this week!

Rather than bombarding my Facebook friends with all my favorite birthy and motherly articles everyday, I will compile them into a weekly round-up. So here is the first! Enjoy...


I loved this article about natural breastfeeding positions. We do talk about this with moms but it makes me want this to be the FIRST way we explain how to breastfeed. And I can't wait to use these videos when talking with clients.

The Exposing the Silence Project galley is now open. Trigger warning for women who have experienced birth trauma.

Medicaid coverage for doula care could improve birth outcomes, reduce costs and improve equity. Exciting!

Forget any expectations you have about infant sleep. Really. None of them are true.

This article is still troubling for me. Must study on this more. What are your thoughts?

5 suggestions for improving the cesarean experience.

Did you know that LDS Charities provides neonatal resuscitation training around the world? (click the link, it's a great animation! And I love the depictions of babywearing :)

Thanks for all the love this week as I have changed a few things around here! I appreciate you taking the time to read, comment and share! Wish I could give each of you a hug! 

Awesome Rumi quote via.

Blogging about birth and babies

In order to channel my birth and doula passion into something constructive (and to stop harassing my pregnant friends), this blog will focus more on birth and breastfeeding. I’ll continue to post about other topics related to motherhood and occasionally report on our outdoor adventures. I’ve got so much passion for birth and breastfeeding that I need an outlet for it! The doula life is not the life for our family right now (maybe when I’m 50, ha!). I enjoy serving on the Utah Doula Association Board and that has been a kind of outlet for me; as well as working at WIC as a breastfeeding counselor. But there is only so much I can do in these organizations. So I am refocusing this blog to be a kind of informational and educational resource about pregnancy, birth and the postpartum period. They’ll be lots of maternal feminism, talk about boobs and bodies, and maybe some long-winded diatribes about inadequate healthcare systems.

I have big dreams of making this a “real blog” with my own domain and advertisers and podcasts...but for now we’ll start with the basics: original blog posts all about my favorite subjects: birth, breastfeeding, babywearing, motherhood and outdoor adventures.

Hang on to your panties mamas! This is gonna be fun! :) :)

Photo c/o Alisha Gregson Photography

Looking past the baby registry

This topic has been on my mind so much lately! Let's see if I can get my thoughts out coherently...

As a society, we are so focused on products. What to buy next. What to buy that will make our lives more convenient. What to buy to make our neighbors jealous. What to buy to make our lives easier. And companies LOVE this. American consumerism is building markets. Just look at Target. They make millions just from their baby registry. And that is just what I want to write about in this post...

The baby shower is a beautiful American tradition. Perhaps it could be described as a rite of passage. Family and friends surround a new mother, celebrating the gift of life and giving gifts to show her their love and support. I love baby showers. I love partaking in the excitement and anticipation of welcoming a new life to earth. We eat good food, play silly games and give advice to the new mother. She opens gifts and we ooh and ahh over the softest blanket and the tiniest shoes. At the showers I was given, I felt so loved and lifted up! I have such kind and loving family who have given me such thoughtful gifts at showers!

Companies like Target love baby showers too. They love them so much that they even give you a gift when you make a baby registry with them. They want you to make a registry so well-meaning family and friends will buy their products. We let companies like Target tell us what we need to buy (I'm looking at you, $500 stroller) when having a baby rather than relying on our own intuition and common sense. The media and baby registries lead us to believe that we have to have a pristine and perfectly organized and stocked nursery before the baby arrives. I am here to tell you otherwise!

Do you have boobs?
Good. Your baby will be able to survive and thrive for at least 6 months on breastmilk alone. 

Do you have diapers?
Grab a few packs of newborns before the baby arrives and when you run out, your husband can go to the store for more. Gasp.

Do you have a baby carrier?
Not yet? I'm working on a review of my favorites but in the meantime, look for a local babywearing group to try on a few before you buy. (Edit: Here are all my posts about babywearing.)

Those are all the things you need for a baby my friends! (Along with baby clothes because who does not like tiny baby clothes?!) What you really need for a baby is a little harder to put on a baby registry but is a billion times more important.

Parents want to prepare for their new baby and often we look to the baby registry first. I'm here to help you look past the fancy swing, the shiny bouncer and special infant tub. There is more to preparing for a new baby than a list of products. Parents have raised successful children for millennia without any gadgets at all! What they had instead was a village of support...

While we don't live in villages anymore or often close to our families, there is a growing group of professionals who fill this gap with love and passion for what they do.

What would really help new families is SUPPORT and EDUCATION. These are investments in the birth of your child. A moment that only happens once but will affect your family, and often, the mental health of the mother, for years. Childbirth education, doula support, lactation support and postpartum support are not luxuries but important services that empower families. Your birth experience matters. Your postpartum experience matters.

Remember that all of these services are given by professionals. Paying well ensures that you are hiring an experienced and educated professional. As with so many other things in life, you get what you pay for. 

Childbirth education
A quality childbirth education class series (usually NOT at a hospital, in my personal experience) is a wonderful investment in your birth! You'll learn what to expect in the days and weeks leading up to your birth, how to handle labor pain, how to release fears related to birth, learn what options you have during birth and how to make those decisions before labor begins, and to create confidence in yourself and your ability to birth! If you think, "I'm going to have an epidural, I don't need this", think again! Prices range from $200-500.

Doula Support
A doula will reinforce what you have learned during your childbirth classes. She will support you in your birth choices. She will make you feel comfortable and ensure that your partner feels involved.  Your midwife, OB and nurses have several patients to juggle at the same time you are birthing. You and only you are your doula's focus for the entirety of your birth. Priceless support! Again, if you think, "I'm going to have an epidural, I don't need a doula", think again! $400-$1500.

Lactation Education & Support
While many moms begin breastfeeding without any problems, many have trouble at the start. Quality lactation support can save you thousands of dollars in formula (and weeks of pain!). A private in-home lactation consultant visit is around $150. Visits with a lactation consultant in a clinic are about $50. Better yet, take a class and be prepared BEFORE baby comes. Lactation Link has online classes that can be viewed from anywhere.

Postpartum Support
A postpartum doula supports the new family in many ways: preparing meals, caring for older children, helping mom find resources for postpartum mood disorders, cleaning the house, doing errands or laundry...whatever you need. This can be a marvelous gift if the new family lives far from their families. Prices are usually by hour, $20+/hour. Other ideas for postpartum are listed in these important articles: How to Love a New Mother , After the Birth, What a Family Needs and Take Back Postpartum.

*****
All of these kinds of support are things we have replaced with gadgets and the make-it-on-our-own attitudes. New mama! I am talking to you! You do not have to do this on your own. You deserve help. Make whatever changes you need in your lifestyle now to prepare to have these support measures in place when you bring your new baby to earth. I have been blessed to have support through countless meals, grocery trips, gas in the car, the house cleaned and toddler taken care of after I gave birth. I want other moms to know that they can also have this kind of support and more! And let's work to make baby showers a chance for families to help mom pay for these services as well as a time to shower the baby with adorable clothes and a time to educate mom on being a new mom. That is what I loved about mine....

baby hiking boots!

My big sister Mandi lent me her baby and sling to teach me how to babywear. 

My big sisters teaching me how to swaddle!

Also read: Why Your Birth is More Important Than Your Bugaboo.
When you're pregnant, there are more useful things to do than flipping through a catalogue.

 Up next: I'm Poor! How do I pay for a doula?

Happy birth

Breathing through a contraction with the help of my husband Nate and my doula Marcie.

I've become really passionate about the childbirth experience and women's rights in regards to it. I have so many thoughts jumbling around in my mind so I thought I would try to organize them here...

Birth doesn't have to suck! If you've ever been to a baby shower or let's face it, been around a group of women for more than an hour at a time, birth stories are told. I've tried, and I have to really strain to think of a single happy one told in my younger years. We tell them like horror stories. We list all the complications, the doctors' urgent advice, and the pain! Oh the pain! It cannot be adequately described! Your body is being ripped apart! Your husband is in the corner fainting! At the end of each of these stories, we smile down at our children and say, "But oh! It was so worth it to have you!" As they toddle away, we say again, "but the Paaaain!" After I gave birth to Bridger, I understood this. I was stuck in bed, thinking I had to be on the monitors. I slammed my head against the bed until I couldn't take it anymore and asked for an epidural. After that, I was determined to make my next one a better experience!

Another thought on the Horror Birth Story is that women who have had positive birth experiences do not want to make others feel inadequate so they don't share. I wish they would share! Surrounding myself with positive birth stories (in books and on blogs) was one of the best ways I prepped myself for Colden's birth.

All birth stories are valid. They are a part of you and your journey. A healthy mom and baby are what we want out of birth. But they are only a minimum requirement! Ladies, I am hear to tell you that your birth does not have to be a horror story. The Pain does not have to rule your birth. Neither does your doctor. YOU rule your birth. By allowing yourself to go into the Pain, by letting those strong feelings direct how to position yourself during birth, you can have a positive experience. It may not be ecstatic, but it does not have to be terrible. And it does not have to be at the risk of your or your baby's health. A happy birth can happen with an OB/GYN, it can happen in a hospital.

Simply by being free to walk around during labor and choose your birthing position, you can reduce the likelihood of interventions, complications and labor will be shorter. (Evidence for alternative pushing positions here and evidence for movement during labor here and here.)

One of the best ways to experience a happy birth experience is to have continuous labor support from someone that is not your care provider or nurse. Your partner or your mom can give you continuous labor support, but the best outcomes are when the mom has a doula. When a doula offers a mom continuous labor support, she is  less likely to ask for an epidural, 31% less likely to have Pitocin, 28% less likely to have a C-section, 12% increase in a spontaneous vaginal birth and has a 34% decrease in the risk of being dissatisfied with her birth. Moms who have a doula present are statistically more likely to feel less pain. Isn't that amazing?! (Source.)

This can be a beautiful experience that you think back onto with pleasure, rather than a time you had to endure. Childbirth is a pivotal moment in every woman's life. I want to help make that experience an empowering one! This leads me to my own journey as a doula.  I'm so anxious to get going but while I'm breastfeeding Colden the next year, I am focusing on my doula education and certification as well as doing some shadowing. I love this work and can't wait to really get started! Right now I'm reading Your Best Birth and I find it to be a great starting point for those interested in learning more about having a happy birth experience!