Now offering in-home lactation + postpartum support

 

For the last several years, I have worked in several capacities in the birth and breastfeeding community. A birth doula, a breastfeeding peer counselor and educator at WIC, a blog manager and breastfeeding educator at Lactation Link. I took a break for a bit after moving to Minnesota and after my 4th child was born. I'm now re-entering the birth and breastfeeding world by offering in-home lactation support as well as postpartum doula services. While I am not an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant) yet, I am an educated breastfeeding educator/counselor. I can offer personalized breastfeeding education and breastfeeding support for issues like latch, positioning and general troubleshooting. When a case is extra complicated or the family is in need of specialized support, I am happy to refer to the IBCLCs at the lactation clinics at St. Mary's or St. Luke's in Duluth or to the IBCLCs at Lactation Link. I am pleased to offer in-home support in the early days of postpartum when breastfeeding parents most want and need to be home with their babies. More info about booking with me here.

I am also super excited to be offering postpartum doula support with my good friend Amanda Barta. Between the two of us we have more than 8 pregnancies and postpartum experiences! We love helping new families with whatever they need postpartum. You can find more about our services at Amanda's website: Envision Birth. 

Baby gear after 4 kids

After 4 kids, we've been through lots of baby gear. Here are my favorites, these past 8 years. 

• convertible carseats. Lugging around a huge infant seat was not good for me or for my baby. Convertible seats last years anyway, less waste.
• ikea high chair. No crevices. I wish it had a smaller base but it's simplicity and price can't be beat. (Even better, got our's at a yard sale for $1!)
• mattress covers. Get 2 for every bed. You just never know who, when or what will a spring will leak. 
• removable shower head. quick baby bath after diaper explosions and helpful for washing out shampoo for toddlers and preschoolers)
• slow flow attachment for shower head. This allows you to lower the pressure of your shower head for sensitive babies and increase it for you, the mom, when you need a needle-sharp skin-melting session, I mean, shower. 
• quality baby carriers. My favorite for the first few months is Solly wrap. We've tried lots of Ergobaby carriers and I love the performance one the most. I've used the same one for 3 kids. Nate likes wearing our Tula, it's more cushy and wider. I think Ergobaby is made for smaller frames. Past baby carrier posts here and here.
• chicco liteway stroller. The first stroller we got and it's so simple, lightweight and durable. I got a fancy one (city select) for when I had 3 small enough to push around. Went back the to city liteway with no regrets.
• puj tub. In the sink tub, folds up to store, easy-peasy.
• wet bag. Not just for cloth diapers. Helpful for dirty diapers away from home and great for taking home wet swimsuits too. I keep one in the car always.
• simple, wipeable changing mat. We've never had a changing table or big sturdy pad. Always changed on the floor with a travel mat. The linked one was a gift and has been used for 3+ years now!
• backpack as diaper bag. No need for a fancy bag at all. 
• Luvs or store brand diapers. Actually, we always used Huggies for the first couple of months and then switched to cheaper ones. We have done cloth off and on with baby #4 but I'm kind of done with that now. And I don't feel bad about it.

If you need more ideas, I wrote more about this at Lactation Link a while back. 

But above all the gear, what you really need is a community of support around you. Spend some time meditating on how you can help create that for yourself and others. Read the books. Go to the classes. Listen to the podcasts. Look past the baby registry. Inform your intuition. You got this.

• Book recommendations:
• The Birth Partner
• Ina May's Guide to Childbirth
• Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn
• Class recommendations:
• Prenatal yoga (step one in creating a community of support around you!)
• Birth: Evidence-Based Birth. One silver lining of the pandemic is so many classes going online, so if you didn't have an instructor in your area, you can access them online.
• Breastfeeding: Lactation Link all online and go at your pace!
• Podcast recommendations:
• Birthful
• The Birth Hour
• Evidence Based Birth

One last bit of unsolicited advice, we can read all the books and listen to the all the podcasts, decorate the nursery and do all the research...but if we aren't involving our partner in all that, we are not setting ourselves up for success. There is a meme going around that sums it up pretty well: what we talked about before birth vs what we should have talked about.  

What we talked about:

• nursery decor
• what stroller to get
• which carseat to get
• which hospital to choose
• possible birth positions

What we forgot to talk about:

• how I wanted my partner to support me during labor
• why I wanted to birth the way I did
• what signs of PPMD are (for mom and dad!)
• how my partner could be involved in baby's care
• how to tap into community in the early baby days

Much of parenthood is just what you have to learn as you go, but having intentional conversations about how you will handle future struggles can only help.

Calder's Birth Story

Calder Broderick Parr

Born at home on April 30, 2019 at 10:32 PM

9 pounds 23.5 inches

Calder means rough waters or stream. We chose this name because want him to feel connected to this water-rich place we love so much. Broderick is Nate's maternal grandmother's maiden name. All of our kids have a family middle name, in hopes that it will connect them to their familial roots.

Summary
Calder was my second planned home birth and it was super fast! Everything went well and we are so glad he is here!

Pregnancy
I wrote a bit already about preparing for this birth already, so I won't say as much about my pregnancy. The first trimester, as usual for me, was a blur of nausea and exhaustion. I would come downstairs in the morning, throw some food at the kids and lay down again in the living room. Our sweet kiddos, especially Riah, would come and tuck a blanket around me and give me a kiss. :) Lots of things got forgotten as dishes, chores and laundry piled up. Thankfully, it did not last forever and the glorious 2nd trimester began. I was productive and excited. I started a new project to connect new moms and made all kinds of career plans. ;) We found our rhythm in homeschool and in general around the house. I was feeling ready to bring a new baby to our family. As the third trimester came, my aches and pains accumulated and I got serious about remedying those, determined to enjoy this final pregnancy and birth. I wrote more about that here.

Towards the end of my pregnancy, of course, I wanted him here but I was also really enjoying being pregnant. Knowing it was probably my last chance, I was trying to enjoy feeling his movements, appreciate the way my body could hold him and support me as well. Being a part of creation is a beautiful, sacred blessing and I'm grateful I could find moments of joy at the end of pregnancy. Since the beginning, rather than tell everyone my due date (April 23) and gets lots of calls and texts saying, "is the baby here, is the baby here??" around that date, I was intentionally vague and said I was due "sometime in early May." Because I said it so often, this ended up helping me a lot mentally--I was convinced of it myself!

Thoughts on midwifery care
My love for midwives is not something I'm quiet about so this will come as no surprise but I love being cared for by a midwife! I feel lucky to have landed in another place with access to great midwifery care. I met Tavniah Betts, CPM soon after moving here and we had some great conversations about helping low-income and women of color better access to midwifery care. I knew her and her background already so it was easy to choose her for my prenatal care when I got pregnant.

Our appointments are close to an hour each time because we chat about the pregnancy, preparing for birth, my family and everything in between. I never feel hurried and I always feel cared for. Tavniah has a home office so we did most of our visits there. I was hoping for all home visits because I liked those so much last time. But I was able to leave the kids with Nate for most of my appointments so it was really nice to have time to think and talk to Tavniah (without interruptions) about this baby. In addition, it's fantastic to be able to text or call her anytime with concerns or questions. When I got a stomach virus late in the 3rd trimester, she came late at night to help me and listen to the baby. Everyone should have access to this kind of care. In Canada and other countries, women with low-risk pregnancies are almost always cared for by midwives and are able to choose between hospital or home birth. Coordinated care is the gold standard and women in the U.S. deserve it.

Birth prep
In the final weeks of pregnancy, I purchased all my birth supplies, threw together a few more frozen meals and waited patiently for baby. I finished up the birth space. Around 38 weeks I began feeling practice contractions more and more often. This excited me knowing that my body was getting ready. A few days after my due date, I thought I was really in labor. My contractions started in the afternoon and were getting stronger and stronger throughout the night. I woke a few times to work through them. I alerted the birth team around 4am that today might be the day. I was really awake at this point. I got up, watched some birth videos hoping they would increase my oxytocin levels (ha) but all the surges fizzled out!

I wasn't as patient with pregnancy after that disappointment. The 42 week deadline for a planned home birth seemed closer and closer.

Nate's paternity leave started and we kept busy with projects around the house and yard. The weather warmed a bit and we visited the break wall in Two Harbors and made plans to swim there in the summer.

The birth
On Tuesday April 30, the day started normally. I was exactly 41 weeks pregnant and Tavniah came over to do a membrane sweep. I had a horrible experience with that when I was pregnant with Bridger and have since discouraged moms from doing them. But it turns out the evidence for it is pretty good if you are considered past your due date. She was much more gentle than the hospital midwife that did one for me several years ago. I was 2 cm dilated, 50% effaced, very soft and baby was very low and in a great position. She listened to baby again and left. We went about our day. We cleaned out the basement as a family. I sent everyone a photo of me balancing my lunch on my belly. Around lunch what was feeling like crampiness started to feel like real surges. They increased gradually throughout the afternoon. By dinnertime, I was stopping to breathe through them. I figured they would fizzle out when I laid down so I tried not to make a big deal out of it. I didn't want to be disappointed again! We got the kids ready for bed and I read On the Banks of Plum Creek to the boys. I stopped a few times to breathe through a surge. Bridger and Colden would jump out of bed and rub my back without being asked. They were great little dude-las!

Didn't think I was in labor, ha.

All the kids were asleep by 9. I went into our room to find Nate and Riah asleep in our bed. I nudged Nate a few times to move Riah. I was really working through surges now. I was getting on the floor and going into laborland each time. I had bled through a couple pantiliners and that concerned me. I called Tavniah and sent her a picture of the blood. I had to pause while talking with her but I still thought that maybe I wasn't in labor, haha! I told her not to come yet. Riah's birth was so long, I didn't want to make everyone wait around forever. But after a surge or two,  I couldn't even think about going to bed now. Nate got up and moved Riah and I told him this was probably it. I was shivering and cold. I changed out of tight yoga pants and put on pajama pants and a nightie and a sweater. Nate put the electric blanket on me and called Tavniah again. The blood and the shivering meant I was dilating fast. She moved quick and got here by 10pm. I was back and forth between the bedroom and the bathroom as my body was cleaning itself out. Yay. I knew Nate was struggling with the grossness of that and the rapidity of the labor but he was the only one there for a time and I needed him. He was a champ and stayed close by. He knew just what to do, massaging my lower back and encouraging me. "You're doing great. You've done this before. You've got this."

When Tavniah arrived, she laughed as she saw us trying to quickly put the plastic on the bed. I kept having to stop for surges and was somehow in the tiniest corner of the room each time. Finally, Nate suggested I move so they could help me with the next one. I went to the bathroom again and Tavniah followed. She helped me through a few. They were coming really fast now. I couldn't tell the difference between them anymore. I wasn't sure when one ended and another one started. Sitting on the toilet, clenching her arm, I told her, "there's pressure down there!" She smiled and said, "there's a baby down there too!" Then another surge came. After that Tavniah suggested I get off the toilet so she could help me better since baby was coming! I had already taken off my sweater and kicked my pants off. After another surge, I took off my nightie too and got on my hands and knees. They quickly laid towels out.

We had been calling our doula around 9:30 and got no answer. I had forgotten that she was sick and I should call her backup. Well she got our messages and the backup, Cooper, came about 15 minutes after Tavniah did. I had already met Cooper and I was happy to see her when she found us in the bathroom.

The surges were so intense and so fast. I was really struggling not to fight against them. I kept gasping that they were coming too fast but Tavniah assured me fast was okay. I tried to relax my shoulders and groan deeply. Nate kept asking if I wanted to move to the bedroom, "just move real quick, won't take long." Absolutely not. I was NOT moving. It was hard enough to get off the toilet and onto the floor. When he realized I wasn't going anywhere, he ran downstairs and came back, with lightning speed, with cushions for my knees. Cooper put a cool wet cloth against the tub ledge where I was resting my forehead. I was burping a bunch and Nate pushed aside the shower curtain in case I barfed. Thankfully, I did not. I had had enough of that when I had the stomach bug a couple weeks prior.

Anyway, I started getting pushy and tried to let my body do what it needed to. But it's hard when it's so fast! I couldn't wrap my head around it. I didn't want to push because I didn't want to push for like an hour like last time. But one thing I feel really good about was that I was more focused on the baby this time. When I was pushing Riah out, my midwife tried to get me to touch her head but I couldn't do it. I couldn't imagine a baby coming out! But this time, I was singing to the baby and thinking about him coming down. Reminding myself all this work was for a BABY! My pushes started getting really intense and I was worried at times I would wake the other kids with my roaring but they slept through the whole thing! Pushing is such hard work. I had to really concentrate and let my body do the work and push other thoughts out. I was very prepared to labor...not so much to push! I think I told Nate three times, "I CAN do this. But I'm NOT doing it again! Nate, I'm really not doing this again!" Meaning, I didn't want to give birth again. "Okay, okay that's fine with me!" :)

He was coming down so fast that I could literally feel my pelvic bones opening up. I didn't feel the ring of fire around my perineum, I really felt the pressure internally. This probably had a lot to do with the fact that Tavniah was supporting my bottom with a warm wet cloth the whole time. I gave a mighty push and reached down to feel what felt like his entire head all the way out! (It wasn't, but close.) "Another big push and I'm going to hand him to you between your legs." And that's what happened! I gave one more mighty push and he was here in my arms! So slippery, grayish blue and pink all at the same time. After just a moment he was crying and making himself known! He even tried to latch for a second or two. I leaned back on my heels and delivered the placenta. That came quickly too! Everyone helped me clean up a bit and then went to the bedroom to lay down with our little guy! I pushed for 12 minutes. He was in the perfect position, so I feel really good about all the preparation I did to accomplish that!

It turns out that births that happen quickly usually end up being pretty uncomplicated and I felt lucky that was the case. I had had another successful homebirth before but there is always the fear that we will need to go to the hospital. Glad we got to stay home and enjoy that peace.

During my last labor, I really wanted to give birth on my hands and knees but had to lay on my side instead, because of Riah's position. So it was super nice to do what came naturally this time. My shoulders were hurting a bit the next couple days though! Worth it.

While I rested, Tavniah did all the baby measurements and Nate cut the cord. We all guessed his weight and length to be around 7 or 8 pounds and 21 inches and we were all wrong! He was 9 pounds and 23.5 inches. He was definitely our longest baby (should have guessed that with all the crazy/ouchy kicks he had been giving me in utero!) but Riah beat him by 5 ounces in weight. Sometime after midnight Cooper left after helping me shower and get back in bed. Tavniah left with her giant suitcase of supplies awhile later with plans to come back for a 24 hour visit the following day. I didn't sleep much because of all of the adrenaline but I was sure happy to be finished with pregnancy and to have little Calder breathing steadily next to me.

It's funny even when you are a birth nerd like me and know that birth never goes to plan, we still make all kinds of plans. I guess it gives us something to pass the time while we wait for baby. I had so many plans and lists! All these things to do during early labor.  I had planned to be in our bedroom for sure! I made this whole wall of art and affirmations to help me. But since I had put it up so early on in my pregnancy, I looked at it often and those images and words became a part of me. I didn't need to see them in labor, there were already written on my heart. And while I didn't have any of my family there in-person this time, all of my siblings and my parents were still surrounding me!

While I was pregnant, I tried to visualize how I wanted this birth to go. I envisioned a nighttime birth with the kids all asleep. I envisioned him coming slowly and me breathing him down. So I got half of that wish...not too shabby!

Best laid plans and all that...

He was named Anders for the first day but that didn't fit. So we tried Calder on and that did! The kids woke up the following morning and sleepily and very happily met the new baby. They were so sweet and so excited.

Postpartum
So many friends and family have already helped us and we are so grateful. Funny story: our friend Laura came over to help with the kids in case they woke up during labor. The kids didn't wake (best case scenario!) so she was super sweet and cleaned up our kitchen and dining room. We found out later that she had swept that whole area with the tiny kid broom because she couldn't find the normal broom. That was real dedication! I laughed so hard thinking of her leaned over that tiny broom! (the normal broom was in the basement from our clean up earlier in the day). So blessed to have good friends here. My friend Kari also had all the kids over the following day and brought us dinner. So many others have brought over groceries, made us dinner and more. My sister Mandi came for a weekend and did so much for us! We were sad to see her go. Because we've had so much help, I was able to stay in bed and rest for longer. My recovery has been amazing.

The following week, the boys stayed with Grandma for 5 days. It was super nice to have a quieter house and concentrate on the baby as well as Riah. She had a great time with more attention from us. We have really felt so supported and we are so grateful!

What a change it is to bring a new child into the world. I am so grateful we were able to bring him to our family. What a gift!

I wish we could have taken more photos, but I was naked the entire time so it's unlikely I would have shared them anyway, ha! But it sure makes me appreciate my dear friend Cate and the gorgeous photos she took at Riah's birth.

Riah's birth story.
Colden's birth story.
Bridger's birth story.

My writing at Lactation Link

After working at WIC as a breastfeeding peer counselor for a year, in 2016, soon after Riah was born, I started working with Lactation Link as a lactation educator and the blog manager. I LOVED working with such a passionate and knowledgable group of women! It was such a great experience for me. A few months after moving to Minnesota, I left LLink to spend more time with the kids and concentrate on homeschooling. I miss those ladies and helping moms breastfeed!

For funsies, I've compiled the blog posts I wrote for LLink below.

Unconventional & Super Helpful Baby Gifts
I would add a removable showerhead now! So much easier to rinse squirmy babies and toddlers!

3 of the Best Things You Can Do During Pregnancy

3 Tips for Labor and Delivery to Make Breastfeeding Easier

How to Breastfeed in Public

Finding the Right Nursing Pad for You

Should I Wake the Baby to Breastfeed? 

5 Ways Grandmas Can Support Breastfeeding

World Breastfeeding Week 2018

Disclaimer: My tone in this post is angry and at times sarcastic because I'm FED UP. Proceed with caution.

For any mom out there that did not breastfeed at all or as long as they hoped I honor your journey.

World Breastfeeding Week is great for us in the Northern Hemisphere because it's during the summer and often when breastfeeding is more visible. Like all times of the year, babies have to eat in the summertime. And to the shock of some in America, some of these babies do not appreciate eating under a tent of cloth. And so everyone loses their mind. 

Recently in some LDS mom groups, I noticed a mom reaching out for support and perspective because some in her congregation were upset her baby needed to eat while at church. As she updated the posts, it became clear that things were getting out of hand. As reported in The Exponent II, the issue was voiced to her stake president and he was not supportive of her and her child. It's just all so disappointing. How absurd that it was anyone else's business to begin with! Tragically, her ability to attend the temple, sacred sites of learning and growth for Mormons, has been put into question. 

I did write our female leadership and respectfully ask that they consider the needs of the worldwide church and create a breastfeeding policy that would welcome the feeding of infants and children in whatever way the breastfeeding dyad (mother and baby) requires.

Some have chosen to push back against this story and deny its legitimacy and even go so far as claim the sister is an exhibitionist. I have enough personal experience from breastfeeding for a total of 4.5 years that these troubling opinions exist. Whether or not this particular story is true is of no consequence. American culture objectifies women and when women use their bodies in the way that God designed, our culture often takes issue with it. I believe that when the rising generation is able to witness women’s breasts being used as they were intended, a healthier culture is born. We can shed the over-sexualization of women’s bodies. We can create a healthy culture that values the nourishing contributions of women to their families.

A detail from Stanisław Wyspiański’s “Macierzynstwo” (1905). via

Since THE BEGINNING OF TIME women have breastfed their babies and young children. They didn't need covers or blankets or hot, stuffy, stinky rooms. Everyone around them knew what boobs were for and didn't bat an eye because boobs are for nursing.

But they're sexual! They're inappropriate for public! What if an unsuspecting young man sees a nipple?!  I hear you. I really do. But guess what else is really sexual? My neck. My husband loves to kiss it and I enjoy it too. But because I have a brain and so does (usually) everyone else around me, I know it's real purpose is to hold up my head. So I don't feel the need to cover it when in public. Isn't that great? Aren't our bodies amazing? Their parts can have more than one use! Astonishing, really. And if a young man sees an exposed breast, thank God it will be in the context of nourishing a child and not in the context of seeking a man's desire. See how that's different? It's all about the context. 

great quote from Beauty Redefined

gym-nurstics does not fit under a cover

Now I don't need to go into all the reasons why breastfeeding with a cover isn't always an option. Others have done that rather well already (ScaryMommy, Mommyish). And not every mom wants to and that's okay. What is important is that she is supported in whatever she chooses because a baby's need to eat supersedes an onlooker or passerby's comfort every time. My choice to breastfeed without a cover started with my oldest. When Bridger was a baby, I was much more timid about breastfeeding and while in my parents' living room, alone, I covered him with what was close by, a rather thick baby blanket. A friend came in to chat and so I felt the need to keep my chest covered. Yall, that poor baby had sweat drops like crocodile tears. After that, I started questioning why I felt the comfort of others was more important than my baby's. 

And if you think for one minute that your (incorrect) opinions about the need for women to cover up while breastfeeding are your own, you're kidding yourself. This idea is the culmination of decades of propaganda, marketing and I personally believe, Satan's lies. Propaganda and marketing from formula companies to increase their profits (see more here). As a woman of faith, the proof that Satan is trying to destroy motherhood isn't in moms postponing starting their families, it's in the social pressure that our bodies are not our own. That they are here to be held, owned and objectified by men. Breastfeeding (and for many moms, birthing on their own terms) is a means to break that cycle. It provides a path to understanding the gift and power that our bodies have for all humankind and for ourselves. Get out of the way with your patriarchal ideas about woman's place. We have no need for them. 

And for all the concerned Mormons out there, I sure hope yall cut this image out of your Book of Mormon Stories (published by the Church). Don't want anyone to know what boobs are actually for now would we?

Ironically, the same week the controversy was blowing up with the woman who was asked not to nurse in her church building, LDS Charities was celebrating World Breastfeeding Week with the above post. Is what we do around the world good enough for us back at home? I think so. Breastfeeding needs more support around the world to meet necessary breastfeeding (public health) goals. But in many countries, openly breastfeeding is as normal for breathing for everyone involved (and not involved). At church, women around the world nurse while bearing testimony, while giving lessons and while listening to the missionaries. We are doing our children a disservice (in many ways) by not normalizing breastfeeding in our culture as well. 

Lest you think everyone has an issue with this...

I've nursed in many Mothers Rooms as well as Sacrament meetings, Sunday Schools and Relief Society meetings without issue. More than one mom has thanked me for nursing during church because it gave them the courage to do so as well. Makes any discomfort worth it for me.

Further reading

The first article I linked above has gotten loads of attention and here are some follow-up articles. 

• Addendum. Answers some of the FAQ about the original post. 
• An Open Letter to the Stake President Concerned About Breastfeeding. Loved this one. The tone is at times snarky, but many of the suggestions are great: 
• "Institute a special Sunday school class on godly manhood that includes material on reversing the harmful effects of the world’s philosophy that men cannot conquer their base desires. Emphasize our doctrine that we must transcend our carnal state through the power and mercy of Jesus Christ (Mosiah 3:19).
• Acknowledge that porn addicts and teenagers have little control over the public environment, and that they will encounter female bodies in many forms and contexts, and will therefore be tasked with regulating their internal condition.
• Encourage all able women to nurse their babies without pressure to cover or hide in an effort to further renormalize breastfeeding for the rising generation. This will teach them what normal breasts look like and what their primary purpose is (refer to church-published A Parent’s Guide, Chapter 5). As little boys see their mothers and their primary teachers and their friends’ mothers nursing, they will grow up with a healthy concept of female breasts, and will be less likely to google “What do boobs look like?” because they will already have learned this within the sacred and appropriate context of motherhood. Removing taboos around women’s bodies will combat lust and porn addiction."
• Audio interview with the mom. More about her story and what has happened with her church leaders since. My favorite part? The stake president said his wife had heard about the story and corrected him. When women stand up for other women, the world gets a bit better. 
• The Tale of My Saggy Middle-Aged Breasts. I loved this portion from the end, "I would love to see the community reach out and help, rather than judge and shame for the choices she may make in trying to meet her family’s needs. If a woman makes a choice different from yours, do you feel threatened? If you see a woman breastfeeding in public, why not champion her? Speak up for her if others are shaming? If the sight of a woman feeding her child with her breast disturbs you, why? And do you think the mother and baby should be uncomfortable instead of you?"

From A Parent's Guide, a pamphlet for LDS families, published by the LDS Church: "The scriptures often refer respectfully but plainly to the body and its parts. There is no embarrassment and often there is sacred symbolism. It is the world that makes the divinely created body an object of carnal lust. For example, it makes the female breasts primarily into sexual enticements, while the truth is that they were intended to nourish and comfort children. It promotes male sexual aggression in contrast to Christ’s example of tenderness, long-suffering, kindness, and steadfastness in the home."

Nursing a Sexually Wounded Culture explores how our culture of objectification affects our views on breastfeeding. Great read.

Breastfeeding and Following Jesus explores modern Christianity's obsession with modesty and how it affects breastfeeding. 

Some instances of breastfeeding in LDS art. My favorite is the THREE DIMENSIONAL mother breastfeeding with her entire boob out that is ENCASED IN BRONZE at Temple Square in Salt Lake City. Someone go put a cover on that lady! The painting that is mentioned first is also in the new Provo Temple in the chapel. I saw it while touring it during the open house. Just lovely!

This post on breastfeeding in LDS American culture has some better images and has some great discussion as well.

19 Works of Art That Show Breastfeeding Has Always Been Beautiful

25 Historical Images that Normalize Breastfeeding

How Breastfeeding in Public Will Save Society

The Politics of Breastfeeding opened my eyes to many of the sources of our modern issues with breastfeeding.

Unlatched is another great book about the modern history of breastfeeding.

Every time a baby goes to breast, the $70 billion formula industry loses a sale.

Victorian Era moms posing for portraits while breastfeeding.

Stunning portraits celebrate breastfeeding around the globe. 

If you're pro-life, would you be interested in saving 800,000 lives? Thought so. Increasing breastfeeding could save 800 000 children and US$ 300 billion every year. Our part to play in this is supporting breastfeeding moms. 

If you need a little help to feel comfortable breastfeeding in public, I wrote a how-to post about it for Lactation Link last year. 

This isn't my first soapbox on nursing in public, ha!

UPDATE: Great campaign happening: Let Babies Eat

And some final wisdom from my favorite internet dad...

If you really care about life...

Here are some things (other than posting pro-life memes on social media) that you can do to help support new mothers. Let’s start off with the quick reminder that the number 1 reason women list as why they are choosing to abort a pregnancy is NOT “I don’t believe in the sanctity of life.” It’s actually about money. It’s about not having the resources or support to support a(nother) baby. If you want fewer abortions happening, we have to address the systemic issues that contribute to abortion. In my opinion, it comes down to supporting women and mothers. So please keep preaching about the importance of life. But UNLESS you are willing to do any or all of the following, just shut up and sit down:

• Offer to adopt the pregnant mother's baby (if willing to do this, you must agree to the following as well):
• Pay for all of the mother and baby's medical bills
• Drive her to all her prenatal appointments
• Pick up her prescriptions
• Help her obtain public assistance in the form of WIC and food stamps (or more if needed)
• Offer to cover the cost of her groceries and any other needs related to her pregnancy like a new maternity wardrobe.
• Help her get a restraining order from her abusive boyfriend
• Offer her a safe place to live
• Convince her employer to NOT discriminate against her because she is pregnant
• If that doesn't work, offer her a job
• Convince her employer to give her *at least* 6 weeks of paid leave after childbirth in order to heal from PUSHING A HUMAN BEING OUT OF HER BODY. IT HURTS LIKE HELL AND YOU BLEED OUT OF YOUR VAGINA FOR *WEEKS* BECAUSE YOU HAVE AN INTERNAL WOUND THE SIZE OF A FOOTBALL. Plus she might want to get to know her baby and learn how to breastfeed.
• Pay for a doula of her choice to attend to her emotional needs during and after labor. 
• Get qualified lactation support for her if that is her choice.
• If you are in a position of power, ensure that your company has paid leave for new mothers and fathers. (Dads need to be home supporting mom and baby too!)

If you aren't willing to do any of those things, I've got another list for you, pick any:

• Shut up and sit down.
• Lobby for paid sick and family leave at your local city council.
• Call your state and Congressional representatives and tell them you demand paid family leave or you will find a candidate for the upcoming midterms that does support it.
• Call your state and Congressional representatives and tell them you demand maternal mortality quality review boards or you will find a candidate for the upcoming midterms that does support it.
• Call your Congressional representatives and tell them you demand universal healthcare or you will find a candidate for the upcoming midterms that does support it.

Feminists and others who actually care about women and babies, what have I left out?

Baby Carrier Review Pt. 2

In 2015 I did a baby carrier review of every carrier I had used up until that point. Well, I'm still obsessed and have tried a few more since then so it's time for an update!

nursing in the wrap!

Solly Baby Wrap
I mentioned this one in my last post, but since I used it so much with Riah, it merits its own section. After getting dressed, I would just wrap it to have it ready. And just wore it like that for basically 3 months straight. It was perfect for us. My mom got me this pretty orange one too! These photos were made for Lactation Link. It was great for nursing too. By 3 or 4 months, she wasn't loving being in the wrap anymore. We switched to the Ergobaby 360 with her facing out and she was so happy about that! She had a phase where she really only wanted to face out. When she was old enough to ride on my back, she liked that too.

Ergobaby Performance Ventus
This is probably my favorite carrier. We have had it for about 2 years and I don't see me passing it along at any point. I love the tall panel, it allows it to be used well into toddlerhood. The mesh is of course great for summer and really anytime because let's face it, two bodies being pressed together and it gets hot any time of year! I highly recommend this one. But it's probably best once baby is a bit taller since the panel is so tall. You can, of course, use it from birth with an insert. I reach for this one the most.

Ergobaby Adapt
I borrowed this one from my local Babywearing International Group when Riah was a few months old. I really, really like this one. If you are going to get an Ergo, get this one. You can use it from birth without an insert. That makes such a difference! One less thing to carry around and much less hot. I was sad to have to give that one back when my month was up. It's very similar to the Original Ergo in all other ways and I definitely recommend it. These photos were made for Lactation Link too.

Fidella Ring Sling
I really wanted to like this! With 3 kids, all the buckles and straps of a SSC (soft structured carrier) was getting to be a bit much, I wanted something I could put Riah in really quickly. So I borrowed a super nice one from my BWI group again and I just didn't love it. Even though she was only a few weeks old and super light, it was still achey on that one shoulder. Sad. Some people really love ring slings though. That's why it's so nice to be able to try them out before you buy! Everyone is so different.

K'tan
This is a great wrap for little babies and for moms who are overwhelmed with all the wrapping needed for a Solly or Moby. My sister passed her's down to me and I use it as a back-up and love recommending it. Wish I had a photo to share!

Fidella Fly Tai
After Riah grew out of my Solly Baby, I really wanted a pretty wrap again! I have been drooling over the Fly Tai for awhile and when they came out with this print, I snatched it up fast! Tying the ends in pretty ways was fun for a time but it's just not me. It really only made sense for me to tie it at home because I didn't want the long tails getting dirty out and about. And what's a pretty wrap if no one can see it? ;) Aaaaand I don't find it particularly comfy. I find myself unwrapping it and grabbing the Ventus. I could use some more practice with it. I think I will give it another chance. Also, the hood is really short. Bridger has to help me with it when Riah is on my back. I keep this one in hopes of another and final Parr baby :) And we have used it as a hammock under the kitchen table:)

Tula (Standard size)
I saw this one on a local classified listing and I just bought it kind of on a whim! Everyone says if you love Ergo and try a Tula, you will never go back to Ergo. I haven't been convinced of that yet. The straps are a bit wider and puffier but I really haven't noticed a huge difference. I still switch between this one and my Ventus the most. Also, the hood is really short. Bridger has to help me with it when Riah is on my back. I'm noticing a pattern here! I think Tula's new Free to Grow has a better hood. But Ergo has the best hoods! Nate pictured here with the Tula too but he prefers the Ergobaby Performance too.

Wish List:
The good news is I got everything I listed on my wish list last time...so maybe that will happen again ;) Riah is old enough now that I really don't need anymore but...

It would be great to have a soft-structured carrier that is really floppy and soft...like a wrap conversion! Not sure which one yet though...

And I still think they are beautiful, but my experience with the Fly Tai has taught me that I'm not one for a woven...yet! ;) But really, I need quick ups and the wovens just seem like too much work for me! However, I am really drooling over these traditional African wraps that Ms. Wright is selling.

Okay, last one. I have no use for them since I don't like wovens or ring slings, but Kantha Bae wraps just have me drooling all the time. Maybe I'll save up for one of her quilts!

My Medicaid Story

When Nate and I got married in 2010, I was removed from my parents insurance. I signed up for the cheapest plan from the university (it did not cover maternity care), planning to start our family sometime after graduation. However, I become pregnant about a year later, several months before my planned graduation. I called BCBS of Florida to return to my parents insurance. This was a no-go due to me now having a “pre-existing condition,” in this case, being a sexually active woman who become pregnant. This was pre-Affordable Care Act (or Obamacare), which removed the ability of insurance plans to prevent someone from receiving insurance w/ a pre-existing condition. The school’s insurance plan for pregnant students was extremely cost-prohibitive. I can't remember the exact cost but the premium was hundreds of dollars a month. Absolutely impossible for a full time student who was also working part time. So like almost half of all pregnant women in the US, I applied for Medicaid. I spent hours filling out all the forms, obtaining all the necessary documents. We qualified, to my great relief. After 2+ months of pregnancy, I was able to get prenatal care. Despite our “plan” Nate and I did not have full time employment after graduation, so Medicaid was a godsend for us since I had Bridger just a few months after we graduated.

The current Republican leaders in Congress are now voting on new healthcare laws which would decrease funding for Medicaid and skyrocket healthcare costs. I promise you they are not thinking about the college students who are choosing life. They are not thinking about newborns who need quality healthcare. They are thinking of their friends in the pharmaceutical and insurance industries. They are thinking of their next elections, political gains and what praises their friends at Fox will give them.

Because of Medicaid, I was able to get high quality prenatal care. Because of Medicaid, I was able to give birth at a wonderful hospital with a caring staff. Because of Medicaid, Bridger had healthcare coverage for his entire first year.

When you think of a Medicaid patient, I hope you toss aside the uninformed stereotypes of people of color, unwilling to work who are greedy for handouts. Instead, I hope you think of a hard working college student ready and willing to bring life to earth. I hope you think of a system of healthcare that (perhaps imperfectly) facilitates the health and well-being of millions of children. I hope you think of me, I hope you think of Bridger.

“Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me” (Matt. 25:40).

A few months after Bridger was born, Nate started full time work. We happily now pay into a system knowing that other families like us are getting the care they need. And we will happily pay more to see even more families receive better healthcare. To us, that's just part of being human. We take care of each other.

If you disagree with Medicaid cuts and rising healthcare costs, please call your Senators and House Representative.

The key to parenting without complete burnout

Yesterday, Jessica Martin-Weber of the Leaky Boob and Beyond Moi shared a post on co-parenting that really hit home for me. I realized she was describing almost exactly my own experience. She really drives home what the key to parenting (and libido!) is for parents of young kids. She included a photo of her daughter sleeping next to her husband. I share my own photo, but these are her words:

This was my view when I woke up this morning. I opened my eyes and saw this scene and my heart swelled with love and gratitude. Gosh, I love this man deeply, passionately, and with so much gratitude.

Then, because I'm over half way through pregnancy, I had to pee. When I came back from the bathroom, I snapped this pic and slipped back under the sheets and scootched in close to them breathing in the love and safety of such a moment.

Confession: though the moment itself isn't sexy, seeing him like this is. Him gently and lovingly caring for our children is incredibly attractive. He has been like this with her for hours. For a moment I consider how I wish we could be alone together but I know he needs sleep (it was a late night) and I love this moment too much to wake him and draw him away for myself. But I promise myself to make sure we find time and space for that later. Frankly, over 20 years and 6 kids, a good part of why we have such an active sex life still is because of this. Him being so actively involved is not only attractive (and it is darn hot), it means I have the energy and interest because I'm not burned out/touched out/resentful.

As I write this, these two are still asleep cuddled up together. The house is quiet and I have a moment to enjoy having my own thoughts. How I love these two, this man and our child in his arms and our 5 other children. How much their love for each other means to me. How this man I've been with for over twenty years loves and cares for our children makes me fall ever deeper in love with him.

(It is worth noting, our other 5 offspring are asleep in their own beds because even if you cosleep as we have done with our babies and toddlers and preschoolers- they do eventually move on to their own sleep space. Contrary to what some say, they do learn to sleep on their own.)

She had a late night. Fireworks being set off around us until several hours past her bedtime, a busy day of swimming and playing and roasting marshmallows and eating BBQ chicken, excitement at holding showers of sparks in her hand (you could see her adrenaline rush), and distress over the hot red welts she develops when mosquitoes discover how sweet she really is, all led to an overtired and over-stimulated little girl at the end of the day. When she finally got to bed, sleep came easily.

But it didn't last. She woke scared, needing to pee, and seeking comforting cuddles in mommy and daddy's bed. We welcome this, our children deserve our attention and comfort during distress in the middle of the night just as much as in the middle of the day. Parenting never promised convenient hours. He must have heard her come in before I did because I woke up to him tenderly calling her to him and asking her to let me sleep as he tended her need for comfort. He does this often, even when I'm not growing a baby, more so when I am and my need for rest is doubled. We both do this, though we don't keep track, we take turns being the parent responding to our children's night time needs. In that moment he looked out for her and for me.

How I love him.

His capacity for love and how he demonstrates that for our children and for me wins my heart anew every time.

This was not the picture of fatherhood I once had. In fact, I didn't know men were even capable of such nurturing. These acts of responsive care were what I thought only mothers did, little did I know that not only are other parents just as capable, they can excel in it and there is much joy in such a partnership. Little did I know that seeing my partner be so engaged in actively parenting our children would have such an impact on me. Our coparenting has shifted and adjusted over the years, through different circumstances and our varied realities. But he has always been an active, equal coparent, whatever that looks like in a given moment, and has always been more involved than financial provider even when that was his primary role. He's always been more present than a paycheck.

Parenting is hard and beautiful and overwhelming all at once in even the best times. It is draining and exhausting and pushing our limits while being full of joy and connection and love.

Yet I'm often surprised at how often the hard parts of parenting aren't what stand out to me. That I'm not more tired. That I have as much interest and time and energy for my partner and yes, even for sex, that I do. But I know at least part of the reason why:

This right here.

Much of the reason that parenting hasn't left me burned out and overwhelmed and isolated is because of my partner. His equal involvement as an active co-parent has allowed me to be in a healthier place and, I know for a fact, has allowed our family to be in a healthier place. I am aware of how privileged I am in this. I am in awe of those parents that navigate parenting alone. As well as those who navigate parenting with a partner yet feel alone in parenting.

He would tell you it isn't extraordinary, that he doesn't deserve praise, and he's right about that. At the same time I know that this isn't something either of us saw, it isn't what society told us to expect and he is going off script and ad libbing this fatherhood gig.

And he's totally nailing it.

When people ask me how I handle so many kids, this is how. I saw my mom struggle with burn out constantly, partnered yet most often alone in the responsibility of caring for and nurturing my brother and sister and I. That burn out was real. I know I would be just as burned out if I didn't have an equal coparent. Equal in housework, home responsibilities, the invisible burdens of thinking through as planning for our home and family, in night time parenting, in infant and toddler care, in school work and life skills education, in supporting our teens... you name it.

I share this because moments of beauty are inspiring and I found this beautiful. I share this too to help normalize fathers as active, involved coparents. I share this to help destroy the stigma of daddies cuddling their children in bed in the middle of the night. To say to the parents doing it alone that they are amazing and have my respect and I'm cheering them on. To acknowledge that night time parenting is a thing. To express my gratitude that my partner values protecting my sleep and taking turns responding to the needs of our children. And yeah, to let some in on one of the libido secrets we've found.

I love this view. I love waking up to moments like this.
You can read her full post here.

Parenting is 24/7. Yes, they need our love all day and sometimes, many times, all night. And when you are lucky enough to have a partner that shoulders all of the burdens (and joys!) of parenting with you, you have the energy and capacity to have a full life. It's real life so it's not perfect but we love it so much. We have room for improvements of course but I just think that doing this so much together has made all the difference. I've always known marriage to be important but living it the past 6.5 years has repeatedly shown me that we have to be a team to create an enjoyable and rewarding family life. I know that I am lucky to have this partnership. For any mama that doesn't have this yet, I see you. And I know our Heavenly Parents see you too. Your rest is coming.


Where her's and my story is different is having a model for shared co-parenting and involved fatherhood. My parents were such a great example to us of sharing the load of family, parenting, outside work and housework. Both of my parents worked for most of my life. My dad made breakfast every.single.morning during the school year. He did dishes, he did laundry. I could go to him for questions, just like I could with mom. Perhaps they will argue with me, but from my point of view, everything seemed pretty egalitarian. Of course, this is real life so I'm sure it was never 50/50 all the time. That's impossible. But what they modeled in our home was what I came to expect. I expect Nate and me to shoulder the responsibilities of home and parenting TOGETHER because of what my parents modeled. So thanks, mom and dad. Every day I learn more about you and from you and I can't express my gratitude enough.