Sacred work of birth

"If a woman doesn't look like a goddess during labor, then someone isn't treating her right." 

-Ina May Gaskin.

I have often come across this quote and as much as I love Ina May, I have rolled my eyes. Yall, birth is HARD. It is WORK. You get sweaty. There are lots of smells. It hurts. My hair is crazy-looking, make-up is smeared. I'm wearing adult diapers for crying out loud! But I as was skimming through my birth photos, looking for something else for a project, this photo jumped out. It caught my breath!

In this moment, I am a goddess.
In a circle around me are women who know birth deeply.
I am being supported. Loved. Watched over.
My eyes closed, I am turning inward for strength. I find it in my breath, in my spirit, in the women before me and around me.
My hands are open, showing that I am open to receiving inspiration.
My brow is high, demonstrating the strength I am feeling.
My neck is tight, showing the intensity of the contraction.
Birth is work, sacred work. The work for a goddess.

This quiet moment means so many things to me. For one, it demonstrates why I love midwifery so much. Women, mothers, reign over the veil that enters into this life. I think midwives know this intuitively and allow the mother to reign there without unnecessary intervention. Of course, there is a need for physicians in many births, but midwives are the experts in normal birth. This connection of women between life here and life before has drawn me to birth so much lately. The possibility of midwifery school is years, perhaps decades, away. But I hope through what I say and write about birth now helps other women see it for the absolute miracle and symbol of Godliness it is.

Please know that you don't have to look like a goddess in *every* moment of birth. There are many moments I did not look like a goddess, believe me. I only post this to try and show a bit of my journey in learning more about the sacred work of birth.

This is also a good opportunity for a plug for birth photography. I am still learning new things about Riah's birth a year later because I have these photos. I am forever grateful my talented friend Cate gave us this amazing gift. They are an absolute treasure to me.

Riah's full birth story.

Riah's Birth Story

All photos by Cate Johnson.

Riah Dianne Parr was born on Saturday May 14, 2016. She weighed 9 pounds and 5 ounces and was 22 inches long. She was born at home surrounded by loving support. We are so in love with her! Her name is derived from my middle name, Moriah. Her middle name is after my mother, Karen Dianne. Just days before her birth I was DONE and telling everyone that birth was a fairytale and that I would be pregnant forever. Now she is sleeping on my chest as I type this. I'm excited to share her birth story...

Pregnancy
I usually gloss over this section when reading birth stories so I'll try to keep it short. Since learning more about birth over the last few years and having had healthy pregnancies, we decided together that a homebirth would be a great option for us. Nate and I went to a Meet the Midwives event to interview homebirth midwives. I researched a handful before going and looked up reviews. At the meeting, I was instantly drawn to Karla Bennett, CNM. She seemed like a sweet motherly figure with great credentials and experience. She is unique in that she is a certified nurse midwife but only attends homebirths. Most CNMs attend hospital births. I was excited to start care with her!

Since I was making a lot of demands for this birth (homebirth, doula, photographer), I conceded on one thing that Nate really wanted: to have the gender be a surprise. We found out Riah was a girl ourselves when she was on my chest!

Quick note about prenatal care with a homebirth midwife: I can't say enough just how awesome it is to have direct access to my care provider. I call and get her, not a receptionist or a nurse or hold music. I text her anytime and get a quick response. She came over on a holiday weekend to check on the baby simply because I was worried. Of course homebirth or birth centers aren't for everyone, but I have thoroughly enjoyed this particular aspect. My prenatal check ups were in my home. She engaged with the boys each time and made them feel important and helpful. It was so nice to avoid dragging them to an office for my checkups.

One of the most frequent questions I got was if I was going to give birth in the water. I think water birth is awesome and I wish more women had that option. But it did not appeal to me really! Probably because my labors are pretty short and my pushing stages are pretty short. And I hesitate to say this because I don't want to offend anyone who has had a waterbirth (really, I think you're awesome!) but it just kind of grosses me out. I've seen too many birth photos of moms sitting in bloody water. And I really like physical contact during birth and that can be harder to do when you're separated by a tub. But now I'm thinking waterbirth might be a good idea for me next time since pushing was so hard this time!

An obstetrician might describe my pregnancy as "uneventful." I am blessed to have normal, healthy pregnancies. First trimester was marked by morning sickness and fatigue. Second trimester was glorious! Lots of energy. Third trimester I was big, tired and grumpy. The end is just so hard. I'd give birth 10 more times but I think I can only mentally handle one more pregnancy. The only real complication was another kidney stone. This time I was 36 weeks. Super lame. I spent a night at labor & delivery for fluids and meds. (Loved getting that bill.) Once it passed, I was super grateful to be past it and tried to enjoy the last few weeks of pregnancy. I took the boys to the park and the Tulip Festival. Holly and Amy took me out for a pedicure. I snuggled the boys close and tried to hang on to Colden's babyhood for a few more days.

Cate literally sent me over 400 photos! She is amazing. I'm terrible at editing out photos so get ready for 400 photos! ;)

Best of the birth world this week!

Rather than bombarding my Facebook friends with all my favorite birthy and motherly articles everyday, I will compile them into a weekly round-up. So here is the first! Enjoy...


I loved this article about natural breastfeeding positions. We do talk about this with moms but it makes me want this to be the FIRST way we explain how to breastfeed. And I can't wait to use these videos when talking with clients.

The Exposing the Silence Project galley is now open. Trigger warning for women who have experienced birth trauma.

Medicaid coverage for doula care could improve birth outcomes, reduce costs and improve equity. Exciting!

Forget any expectations you have about infant sleep. Really. None of them are true.

This article is still troubling for me. Must study on this more. What are your thoughts?

5 suggestions for improving the cesarean experience.

Did you know that LDS Charities provides neonatal resuscitation training around the world? (click the link, it's a great animation! And I love the depictions of babywearing :)

Thanks for all the love this week as I have changed a few things around here! I appreciate you taking the time to read, comment and share! Wish I could give each of you a hug! 

Awesome Rumi quote via.

I'm Poor! How can I afford a doula?

Now that you know education and support is more important that baby gadgets, here are some ideas on how to pay for that education and support if you are on a tight budget.

1. As I alluded to in my last post, resist buying the expensive stroller and other baby gadgets and instead use that money to pay for your birth education and support.
2. When family and friends ask what you need for the new baby explain, "We are preparing to have a positive and prepared birth and postpartum experience. To help support this goal, we are hiring a childbirth educator/doula/etc. We would be so happy if you contributed to a fund that would help us pay for these services." **Update 6/1/15: See ideas for online cash contribution registries at the bottom of this post.**
3. Also, some birth professionals offer gift certificate options. This is a great thing to have on your baby shower registry. Ask your doula, childbirth educator or lactation educator if they have this option. I recommend taking a class from Lindsey Shipley at Lactationlink.com. She has gift certificate options for her in-person and on-demand video breastfeeding classes!
4. Put away a little money each month now, even before you are pregnant. That way, you won't be surprised with lots of expenses when you get closer to delivery. 
5. Ask about payment plans. My doula accepted a portion of her fee each month until we paid it off at 36 weeks. This is a great option especially if you book your doula early on in your pregnancy!
6. Sell items around the house. Pay for your doula and get rid of junk! Win-win.
7. Doulas, as well as lactation consultants (perhaps even childbirth educators) can be paid for with an HSA account. (Sometimes, check with your particular card).
8. Cut back. Take a month or two cutting back on certain items (eating out, cable, treats, etc) and use that money to put away for your birth education and support. 

Creating a team of knowledgable, experienced and dedicated birth professionals is one of the best decisions you can make regarding your birth and postpartum experience. Allow these wonderful women to surround you with their love and guidance by preparing now!


**Online registries such as myregistry.com, plumfund.com and babylist.com have customizable cash contribution amounts that can be used for the birth and postpartum services you desire.

1. MyRegistry.com allows you to create a "cash gift fund" that you name. It also allows for Paypal payments for that fund. For ideas, you can look at one I made for fun here.
2. Plumfund.com does the same thing, but allows for multiple people to contribute to one item. For ideas, you can look at one I made for fun here.
3. Babylist.com allows you to make custom cash fund items under the section, "It Takes a Village" but does not accept payments. For ideas, you can look at one I made for fun here.

Photo c/o Alisha Gregson Photography

Looking past the baby registry

This topic has been on my mind so much lately! Let's see if I can get my thoughts out coherently...

As a society, we are so focused on products. What to buy next. What to buy that will make our lives more convenient. What to buy to make our neighbors jealous. What to buy to make our lives easier. And companies LOVE this. American consumerism is building markets. Just look at Target. They make millions just from their baby registry. And that is just what I want to write about in this post...

The baby shower is a beautiful American tradition. Perhaps it could be described as a rite of passage. Family and friends surround a new mother, celebrating the gift of life and giving gifts to show her their love and support. I love baby showers. I love partaking in the excitement and anticipation of welcoming a new life to earth. We eat good food, play silly games and give advice to the new mother. She opens gifts and we ooh and ahh over the softest blanket and the tiniest shoes. At the showers I was given, I felt so loved and lifted up! I have such kind and loving family who have given me such thoughtful gifts at showers!

Companies like Target love baby showers too. They love them so much that they even give you a gift when you make a baby registry with them. They want you to make a registry so well-meaning family and friends will buy their products. We let companies like Target tell us what we need to buy (I'm looking at you, $500 stroller) when having a baby rather than relying on our own intuition and common sense. The media and baby registries lead us to believe that we have to have a pristine and perfectly organized and stocked nursery before the baby arrives. I am here to tell you otherwise!

Do you have boobs?
Good. Your baby will be able to survive and thrive for at least 6 months on breastmilk alone. 

Do you have diapers?
Grab a few packs of newborns before the baby arrives and when you run out, your husband can go to the store for more. Gasp.

Do you have a baby carrier?
Not yet? I'm working on a review of my favorites but in the meantime, look for a local babywearing group to try on a few before you buy. (Edit: Here are all my posts about babywearing.)

Those are all the things you need for a baby my friends! (Along with baby clothes because who does not like tiny baby clothes?!) What you really need for a baby is a little harder to put on a baby registry but is a billion times more important.

Parents want to prepare for their new baby and often we look to the baby registry first. I'm here to help you look past the fancy swing, the shiny bouncer and special infant tub. There is more to preparing for a new baby than a list of products. Parents have raised successful children for millennia without any gadgets at all! What they had instead was a village of support...

While we don't live in villages anymore or often close to our families, there is a growing group of professionals who fill this gap with love and passion for what they do.

What would really help new families is SUPPORT and EDUCATION. These are investments in the birth of your child. A moment that only happens once but will affect your family, and often, the mental health of the mother, for years. Childbirth education, doula support, lactation support and postpartum support are not luxuries but important services that empower families. Your birth experience matters. Your postpartum experience matters.

Remember that all of these services are given by professionals. Paying well ensures that you are hiring an experienced and educated professional. As with so many other things in life, you get what you pay for. 

Childbirth education
A quality childbirth education class series (usually NOT at a hospital, in my personal experience) is a wonderful investment in your birth! You'll learn what to expect in the days and weeks leading up to your birth, how to handle labor pain, how to release fears related to birth, learn what options you have during birth and how to make those decisions before labor begins, and to create confidence in yourself and your ability to birth! If you think, "I'm going to have an epidural, I don't need this", think again! Prices range from $200-500.

Doula Support
A doula will reinforce what you have learned during your childbirth classes. She will support you in your birth choices. She will make you feel comfortable and ensure that your partner feels involved.  Your midwife, OB and nurses have several patients to juggle at the same time you are birthing. You and only you are your doula's focus for the entirety of your birth. Priceless support! Again, if you think, "I'm going to have an epidural, I don't need a doula", think again! $400-$1500.

Lactation Education & Support
While many moms begin breastfeeding without any problems, many have trouble at the start. Quality lactation support can save you thousands of dollars in formula (and weeks of pain!). A private in-home lactation consultant visit is around $150. Visits with a lactation consultant in a clinic are about $50. Better yet, take a class and be prepared BEFORE baby comes. Lactation Link has online classes that can be viewed from anywhere.

Postpartum Support
A postpartum doula supports the new family in many ways: preparing meals, caring for older children, helping mom find resources for postpartum mood disorders, cleaning the house, doing errands or laundry...whatever you need. This can be a marvelous gift if the new family lives far from their families. Prices are usually by hour, $20+/hour. Other ideas for postpartum are listed in these important articles: How to Love a New Mother , After the Birth, What a Family Needs and Take Back Postpartum.

*****
All of these kinds of support are things we have replaced with gadgets and the make-it-on-our-own attitudes. New mama! I am talking to you! You do not have to do this on your own. You deserve help. Make whatever changes you need in your lifestyle now to prepare to have these support measures in place when you bring your new baby to earth. I have been blessed to have support through countless meals, grocery trips, gas in the car, the house cleaned and toddler taken care of after I gave birth. I want other moms to know that they can also have this kind of support and more! And let's work to make baby showers a chance for families to help mom pay for these services as well as a time to shower the baby with adorable clothes and a time to educate mom on being a new mom. That is what I loved about mine....

baby hiking boots!

My big sister Mandi lent me her baby and sling to teach me how to babywear. 

My big sisters teaching me how to swaddle!

Also read: Why Your Birth is More Important Than Your Bugaboo.
When you're pregnant, there are more useful things to do than flipping through a catalogue.

 Up next: I'm Poor! How do I pay for a doula?

Happy birth

Breathing through a contraction with the help of my husband Nate and my doula Marcie.

I've become really passionate about the childbirth experience and women's rights in regards to it. I have so many thoughts jumbling around in my mind so I thought I would try to organize them here...

Birth doesn't have to suck! If you've ever been to a baby shower or let's face it, been around a group of women for more than an hour at a time, birth stories are told. I've tried, and I have to really strain to think of a single happy one told in my younger years. We tell them like horror stories. We list all the complications, the doctors' urgent advice, and the pain! Oh the pain! It cannot be adequately described! Your body is being ripped apart! Your husband is in the corner fainting! At the end of each of these stories, we smile down at our children and say, "But oh! It was so worth it to have you!" As they toddle away, we say again, "but the Paaaain!" After I gave birth to Bridger, I understood this. I was stuck in bed, thinking I had to be on the monitors. I slammed my head against the bed until I couldn't take it anymore and asked for an epidural. After that, I was determined to make my next one a better experience!

Another thought on the Horror Birth Story is that women who have had positive birth experiences do not want to make others feel inadequate so they don't share. I wish they would share! Surrounding myself with positive birth stories (in books and on blogs) was one of the best ways I prepped myself for Colden's birth.

All birth stories are valid. They are a part of you and your journey. A healthy mom and baby are what we want out of birth. But they are only a minimum requirement! Ladies, I am hear to tell you that your birth does not have to be a horror story. The Pain does not have to rule your birth. Neither does your doctor. YOU rule your birth. By allowing yourself to go into the Pain, by letting those strong feelings direct how to position yourself during birth, you can have a positive experience. It may not be ecstatic, but it does not have to be terrible. And it does not have to be at the risk of your or your baby's health. A happy birth can happen with an OB/GYN, it can happen in a hospital.

Simply by being free to walk around during labor and choose your birthing position, you can reduce the likelihood of interventions, complications and labor will be shorter. (Evidence for alternative pushing positions here and evidence for movement during labor here and here.)

One of the best ways to experience a happy birth experience is to have continuous labor support from someone that is not your care provider or nurse. Your partner or your mom can give you continuous labor support, but the best outcomes are when the mom has a doula. When a doula offers a mom continuous labor support, she is  less likely to ask for an epidural, 31% less likely to have Pitocin, 28% less likely to have a C-section, 12% increase in a spontaneous vaginal birth and has a 34% decrease in the risk of being dissatisfied with her birth. Moms who have a doula present are statistically more likely to feel less pain. Isn't that amazing?! (Source.)

This can be a beautiful experience that you think back onto with pleasure, rather than a time you had to endure. Childbirth is a pivotal moment in every woman's life. I want to help make that experience an empowering one! This leads me to my own journey as a doula.  I'm so anxious to get going but while I'm breastfeeding Colden the next year, I am focusing on my doula education and certification as well as doing some shadowing. I love this work and can't wait to really get started! Right now I'm reading Your Best Birth and I find it to be a great starting point for those interested in learning more about having a happy birth experience!