On breastfeeding

Bridger is now 3 months old and I finally feel like we have got the hang of breastfeeding. I thought I would share a few things I have learned the past few months!
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I wrote those first two lines 3 months ago and never got around to writing anything until now. Bridger is now 6 months old (almost!), so I feel even better about writing this. This more of a journal entry about my experience with breastfeeding thus far: 

I was excited to start breastfeeding. I knew it would be the best thing for him, in so many ways. But I never got around to taking a class or even reading much about it. I looked at a few posters and some basics in What to Expect, but never dove into it like I should have. Or maybe it wouldn't have helped. I don't know.

So Bridger was born and I wanted to breastfeed him right away. When the time came, he wouldn't latch on. And he wouldn't latch on and he wouldn't latch on. The nurses brought around this amazing electric pump and then I fed him using a small syringe. (They were worried about giving him a bottle so early). The lactation consultant came around and I was so tired I was fighting to stay awake during her  lesson. The nurses were super helpful and gave me a lot of advice. They also stressed me out a lot by how they reacted to his/our lack of skill. But Bridger was so tired most of our hospital stay that he barely was awake enough to eat. (Was this because of my epidural??)

Anyway...I felt like such a newbie. When Bridger was a few days old, I remember sitting in our living room, topless (tmi? sorry.) and just breaking down in sobs. I couldn't do it. He was not latching on well. My nipples were pinched.  And it HURT. Where was the mother-child breastfeeding love connection I had heard about? Where was the sweet, natural moments I had dreamt of? Did I mention it HURT?!

Women have been doing this for centuries! What was wrong with me?? I was so worried that by not doing this for him, I would be a bad mother. Not true. But still, we couldn't afford formula! (Plus, I had this crazy mentality that formula was like baby-poison. So stupid. Don't worry, I have since changed my ways. Bridger gets a bottle of formula from time to time now if we go out and I didn't get to pump. I also use a little everyday now to mix his rice cereal).

I went back to the lactation consultant and she gave me a few more tips. She talked a lot about laid-back nursing. I learned it wasn't so much about what position he was laying. But it still hurt so much I teared up almost every time. (Using little hydro-gel pads really helped with the pain.)

Then I got cracked nipples. And then a clogged duct. And I almost gave up. But my stubbornness won out and I stuck with it. I went to another lactation consultant and she had some tips that really helped. Keeping his lips flayed open etc. I started feeling better.

And every nursing session got easier and easier. Suddenly and all at once around 3 months, nursing felt great. No pain. Just a sweet time for Bridger and for me. Now I know what my sisters were talking about. I love nursing. It's our special time. These moments are beautiful and goshdangit I was made to do this! We aren't amazing at it all the time. There are times when it can be frustrating. But I am so happy I stuck with it. 

So if you are having trouble with breastfeeding, you are not alone! And it gets better. I promise.